So.. I guess it would be ok to share this.. since.. I guess it probably won't happen at all. And saying it probably might make the possibility of it all even less..
I had hoped, and wished, and prayed.. that this year, for my birthday.. I would finally get to spend it with someone I love. Someone who loved me back.
Don't get me wrong. I have spent lots of really great birthdays with friends and family. Awesome ones even.
Just that.. my birthday has never been a great experience for me, except.. well. Maybe this one time, more than a decade ago. And even then.. I ruined the atmosphere of the night, constantly nagging about not having a camera to capture the moments.
Ah. I was such a fool then. But we live and learn.
I know this sounds silly.. But.. I guess. I've never really celebrated any real special occasions with another half. Christmas. New Year. Usually only THEIR birthdays, not mine.
I can probably go on for ages, on how different birthdays of mine were, well. Horrid. (And for some, that might actually be an understatement.) But I don't like dwelling on past negative experiences. Where does that bring us.. right? Always look forward. Never look back.
I guess.. I am a romantic.
I like.. making things special for the people I love, as much as I can. Birthdays. Holidays. Sometimes.. little treats. Just showing them that I love and care I guess.
And... it's just been a long time since I've actually had ***someone who had my heart plan something awesome, and treat me like I'm special too.
Why am I suddenly thinking about this when my birthday is 2 months off?
Well, last night I was having supper, after an event, with two very distinguished gentlemen. (Quite possibly, the best dressed that Boon Tong Kee has ever seen with their dapper jackets, smart shoes and even a bowtie.
My Japanese godfather/brother/uncle/mentor Aki-San whose birthday is a mere few days away from mine, reminded me how he, 13 years ago, as my birthday present, flew TLOML -still, a broke, struggling student then- back to SG for my birthday as a surprise.
I mean.. seriously.
How many people on earth do you know, that has such a generous heart and soul?
And then. to top that off, TLOML had something pretty special planned too. For an Ah Beng boy, I have to say, his attempt at poetry managed to stay in my head till this day.
I have also had some other really amazing gifts for my bday. Soft toys sent back in a care package, complete with mixed cds and, a thumbdrive, with a video of the person who learnt how to sing and play one of my fave songs on guitar for me - a gift that made me cry. But.. well. Said person was not in box, sadly.
Who knows. Whatever will be will be eh?
After all, that song, seems to be about me.
Que sera sera.
*** I have had some really amazing guys plan some really spectacular things for me before. And I would like to thank them for their sincerity, which definitely moved me.
But.. I guess. It's just slightly different when it is from someone who truly has captured your heart. Right?
Oh well. Who knows. It is 2 mths. Still might be able to pull it off.
Wish me luck!