Monday, December 30, 2013

The beats to my 2013

This year... has been SO incredibly strange for me. The highest of highs, and the lowest of lows all at the same time.

If I had to write even about the last 2 months of my life for a movie, most people would probably think I made it all up. But... nope.

My life has always been full of drama.. totally weird.

Early this year, a random thing was said to me by someone who reads faces - he that there would be 3 princes in my life this year who would bring me luck, wealth, and love.

This year alone... BAM. I met 3 princes and 1 princess.

BIZARRE right?

That's just where it starts.

A a good friend, who imho is a prince among men both in word and deed,  brought me a lot of luck I think. For the first time this year, I actually bought 4D. Just once! With a miserly $2. We both it based on a combination of our birthdates and whaddya know.... WE WON!

And then.. I won my company D & D's top prize at the beginning of the year - two tickets to Hong Kong, put to good use when I went up with my mom and sis for my sister's birthday.

And I also won a beautiful bag in Jan... from

I don't know... if he was the one that brought me wealth or luck. Maybe both.

But... either way, he definitely has been a blessing in my life. Being a good friend at the strangest of times. And for that... I am infinitely grateful.

I've had lots of wonderful blessings this year....

And I also met lots of wonderful people...

People that I know will stay in my life. And I would want to keep them in my life too. Like my Bali Bff! And other pals I've met from so many places, on twitter, insta.. everywhere really.

I've drawn closer to some. Further from some. Made up with some... and I've also lost a few friends along the way.

The beauty of life, is that we live and learn. We grow.

I've come to know that though I've worked hard, and I've done well in my new role... that my heart cries out to present or host. It's what... I felt most myself doing. And.. to have this year to really find that out... was a blessing in itself.

I almost gave up everything just to do that this year.. But I felt that it was not my time yet.

How I am going to get doing what I truly want again... I am not sure. But.. I think God is working on it. This was a year that I really got the sense that... even when things felt like they were falling apart.... bigger and better things, were actually falling together.

This year, was also the year where I met Hammy. A fellow unicorn I stumbled upon. A shooting star that came through my life, blazed a trail.. and left.

2013 has also for some reason been fraught with a lot of health problems. I usually am pretty much the proverbial ox. But this year, perhaps, maybe because my new role at work has kept me more desk-bound than usual.. strangely I have succumbed more to small ills and office spread type viruses than typical.

And then there was the big one. The one that hit me out of nowhere and made me sit back and take stock of my life. And that was just... well... barely a week ago.

It's really made me rethink the health is wealth cliche.

So many, many lessons in life this 2013 ... but I always say.... my life always has a soundtrack...

I think music is a need for me.

It all starts with the rise and fall of our breath, the beating of our hearts - they all follow a rhythm. And music will always be in my blood.

So.. Here were the 10 most significant songs in my life this year. My life in song I guess.


The song that made me feel like someone sliced into me, and exposed my insides, and captured my soul in a haunting melody

They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go


My psych-me-up song.

On Twitter, I actually put it as David Guetta's Titanium.
Stone-hard, machine guns
Firing at the ones who run..

I put it on play when I needed to feel... bulletproof.

But that is a 2012 song. In actuality - this was a tie for me. And another song made me feel the same way, and put me in the same mood.

Can you guess what it is from the lyrics?

Now I’m floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero


My K-pop indulgence

I didn't quite know whether to put it as the song that really got me hooked ... or the new song that was stuck in my head.

On Twitter, No 8 was the one that got me hooked... So here it is:

I really started getting into K-pop maybe... only last year... and it's been nothing but FANTASTIC BABY!


The song that got me through a lot. Including an op. No kid. I got the nurses in surgery to play this for me and I was tapping my toes all the way. Heh. 

I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands
Hope I get the chance to travel the world
But I don't have any plans
Wish that I could stay forever this young
Not afraid to close my eyes
Life's a game made for everyone

And love is a prize

So wake me up when it's all over
When I'm wiser and I'm older
All this time I was finding myself, and I

Didn't know I was lost


When the memories flood my brain...

There is a reason why I chose Miley's version. For some reason - the way she sang it. Conveyed how I felt. Don't get me wrong, I loved Lana's version as well. But... Wrecking Ball... Could have easily replaced this #emo #feels song too.

But we all know how I like to take off and drive when I am ....... thinking.

Kiss me hard before you go
Summertime sadness
I just wanted you to know
That, baby, you're the best

I got my red dress on tonight
Dancing in the dark in the pale moonlight
Done my hair up real big beauty queen style
High heels off, I'm feeling alive

Oh, my God, I feel it in the air
Telephone wires above are sizzling like a snare
Honey, I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere
Nothing scares me anymore

I think I'll miss you forever
Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky
Later's better than never
Even if you're gone I'm gonna drive (drive, drive)


Because I'm an insomniac. And because... 
"Everything that kills me makes me feel alive"

I've felt for a long time, that that is the way love should feel. That when I am truly in love... it will feel like it can kill me.

I am a person of passions. And my person, whoever that may be, must be a passion of mine.

Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby, I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Yeah, we'll be counting stars


For the times I needed a groovy tune...

Like the legend of the phoenix
All ends with beginnings
What keeps the planet spinning (uh)

The force of love beginning


When I remembered those I loved and lost...

Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
It takes me all the way

I want you to stay

Couldn't figure which version I liked better, Rihanna's or 30secs. So here is both.


Because... I do remember everyday I spend with those who are precious to me. 

I remember everyday 收藏的笑与泪
I remember everyday

I remember everyday 写下的每一页
都是我们 最爱的 最恨的 最疯狂 最想念
I remember everyday

# 1 

The soundtrack of Sara's 2013. Without a doubt, this sums up my year, in one catchy song.

High dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life
Fight fear for the selfish pain, it was worth it every time
Hold still right before we crash 'cause we both know how this ends
A clock ticks 'til it breaks your glass and I drown in you again

'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need
Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

Walk on through a red parade and refuse to make amends
It cuts deep through our ground and makes us forget all common sense
Don't speak as I try to leave 'cause we both know what we'll choose
If you pull then I'll push too deep and I'll fall right back to you

'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need
Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

So there we are folks.

My 2013 in a musical nutshell.

Music, really has so much power to make us think. Feel. It brings us back to certain times and places in our lives. It can bring tears to our eyes.

At the end of the day....

We all do whatever we must to feel alive.

To all of you out there, as always, I wish you Happiness, Health and Love.

May 2014 be a blessed one for you.


Sunday, December 29, 2013

Date with Destiny: Fate.

The last few days I've been pondering the idea of fate and destiny.

Do you believe in the idea of "The One" or do you think there are many options out there?

I don't know about you, but I'm starting to lean (maybe at this point in time) toward the idea that if there is one person you are meant to be with.. that regardless of what happens.. fate and destiny will lead you to that person.

Why would a relatively sane person, with a healthy interest in science and logic believe in something as bizarre as fate?

Doesn't that also contradict my religious belief therefore, that we have "free will"?

Honestly, religion.. love... faith... the one... they are ideas and concepts that have constantly been a battle in my head. Something that I've had a hard time grasping.

I've fallen, more than a few times, for people who were of different religious persuasions, only to meet with HUGE disapproval from my family. Well. More the mom. My dad I think, can't care less. 

There have been times where I definitely have wondered if this "marrying the same religion" thing, is a notion as antiquated as marrying someone in your own caste, class, background, race....

But at the same time... it really does matter, doesn't it.

I've seen relationships break up for smaller reasons.

I'm now... a ripe old age of *coughahemcough* well, let's just say I'm no debutante.. I have had friends who have been married. Some... twice by now. Many are happily married with kids... been around the marriage block a few times around.. while I feel like I'm still in my warmup suit, sitting on the sidelines.

Proposals aside.. or guys asking me to marry them... I've looked back and took them apart... why didn't I just say yes?

Why didn't they go through?

Ok. Have you ever met a couple and thought... oh yeah. They feel right together. They just have this cohesive, happy feeling and you can tell immediately that they will land up together?

I think people give off this energy...

I'm not even sure what it is...

The reason why I'm even thinking about this is because I've told.. a few people... WHO I HAVE DATED no less... who they were going to marry. Sounds bizarre?

And aside from that... there have been more than a few friends of mine, who I told... "This is the one." I called it, more often than not, before  the relationship happened.

Take for example.. these two friends of mine I am supposed to meet this afternoon for tea. I met this friend, Chez, at yoga. Fun. Spunky. And we just hit it off immediately. Like an old friend you've known all your life, even thojugh you've never even met them before. Kindred spirits perhaps.When Chez first told me about this person who was coming to visit... I just had this feeling..... that... "This was the one."

"Naaaaah," Chez said at the time... "We've never even met,she's just coming through and crashing. But yeah, we can talk for ages. She paddle boards, and cooks, and she's just really cool... but I don't know. I mean.. I'm not even sure if she's my type."

I looked at her photo... "She's hot." I told Chez. And the more I listened.. the more I felt like this girl, let's call her Beignets... I had the increasing sense that this was "the one" for my pal Chez. Even though, yes, they had only spoken for less than a month online, and had not even met in person yet at this point.

About a week ago, Chez told me they're getting MARRIED in Jul 2014!!!! And can I just say... I was hopping, skipping and jumping on the inside... I was so excited! And don't get me wrong, they've been through a fair bit. And even split up for a month for a while. But... all the time.. I just was hoping that they would figure stuff out... and land back together... because they just had the feeling... that they were meant to be.

I'm in no way a savant or a clairvoyant or psychic. But... haven't you had times where... you just know. I can't even explain it.

But... it just happens. Or clicks.

A guy I dated close to a decade ago once took me to his class reunion. We had a lovely time mingling with his friends, but when we got back from that... I told him, break up with me. You are going to marry this girl. I still remember him asking me, "What are you doing? What are you saying? I like YOU."

"I like you too. But we're never going to work.And she likes you." I said with certainty.

"You got to be kidding me. You are breaking up with me because of what you THINK you feel. How do you know you are right. She is a lawyer. Hotshot lawyer. Dating a hotshot judge. She wouldn't like me."

I looked at him, and told him.. "Trust me."

I walked away. And never looked back. 

Five years later, at a shopping centre... "Sara!"

I turned around. Sure enough, there was this guy, J, with the girl I told him he would land up with... and their daughter.

Weird huh.

Well. .. These aren't the only instances I've called it. But first to Chez and Beignets. ...

CONGRATULATIONS! I have a love for you two that I can't explain. And I really do wish I could have spent more time with you this year. I am so happy for you two.

Chez. I told you so.


Meanwhile. .. wanna know more about my disastrous love life and how I've managed to tell a couple more ex's who they were gonna marry. ..

Stay tuned. ...

Err.. so the last post was a lil emo O_O

And. .. believe you me. I was as surprised as you to see it published.

My account was hacked you see. Well. . A few were. But. .. I find it interesting that out of the many unpublished stories I've put in and never put up. .. that this was chosen.

I left it up for a few reasons.

One. Well. I did write it as a note to self. A reminder if you will. To keep myself in check emotionally. I tend to very often. .. These days at least... give way too much in relationships. Perhaps overcompensating for the b#@$h that I was in my younger days. The hearts I trodded upon. Not that I'm proud of it.

I've learnt that to move on. . Not only do you have to forgive others,  but you have to learn to forgive yourself first. Something I think I need to work on.

Another reason I left the post too.. to remind myself to be careful.

That there are people out there who don't need a reason,  to want to mess with your life.

Cyber crime is a very real thing these days. So is cyber stalking.

And that yes. .. it can happen to anyone.

Even lil ole me. 


So note to self: better to stay safe,  than be sorry.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

The more fool me

Have you ever been so hurt by someone?

Felt so betrayed?

And then you realise.....


I guess... maybe you fooled me all along.


Nothing, will ever hurt me more... Than your reaction. Especially after everything we went through.

You were right about one thing. Without trust, there is nothing.

And just like that...

You were gone. 

I guess.... Probably what you always intended any way. 

Written: 22/11/2013 to remind yourself.... 

Not everyone really cares. Sometimes, they just pretend to.

Of Stalkers. Impersonators. And other weird stuff

Have you ever had someone say to you, "You look so familiar?"

I'm sure many Singaporeans will also be acquainted with the oft-repeated strain, "Common face lah."

Remember how I once said, that I tend to panic when I am accused of something - especially when I'm not guilty?

Honestly, I think its because I'm just not a good liar. Also probably why my acting career was rather shortlived. I like hosting, because I can just be myself on camera. Don't have to lie. Just.. be me.

Trust me, being me, is not THAT GREAT. So... when I found out a long time ago that someone was a wannabe me, and actually TRIED to be me... I was shocked.


A long time ago, I was an artiste under Fly Entertainment..

This was more than a decade ago if you can actually spot me in there. I had joined Fly right after I competed in Ford Supermodel. And it was fun. I actually loved acting at the time because I saw it as an escape. Though, being a bad liar, I am not sure about how great an actress I was.

Any way, this story takes place as I was fresh out of Miss Universe Singapore, Believe you me, I needed a break.

Three months of non-stop rehearsals daily, the pressure of it all. Working out and doing all sorts of things to my body. And of course, having all the people in public tearing you apart in forums. Saying the most mean things about you. Being subject to 5am call times for shoots after staying for rehearsals till 2am. And then being grilled about general knowledge when your brain can hardly function, and appearing like a total dumbass in front of the world. In print.

Yeap. It was a trip.

Good times.

But, one of the great things about it was because of how animated I was during the contest, I started getting offers for hosting and presenting. In some weird way... while I was shivering, up onstage, in my bikini, while starving of course and pretending to shoot Gurmit Singh during the question and answer segment - I found my calling. Hosting and presenting. Weird how things work eh?

Well, as you can tell, I am only touching on the tip of the iceberg. And honestly, other things had happened in the meantime that had affected me.

Read: I got molested by a photographer. And was too chicken and cowed out of reporting it because the media then was already tearing so many of us contestants apart. On top of being traumatized by this, this photog's wife then started calling and harassing me, accusing me of being his mistress. I'll write about it some other time, more as a warning to girls who want to get into the modelling industry. But enough of that for now.

Moving swiftly on...

I was starting to get more hosting and presenting gigs. Hosting D & D's, doing voiceovers. Making appearances. I loved it. But my relationship at the time was suffering a lot. I was starting to flounder a little, so family trip sounded like a great idea.

About one week later, after returning from the sojourn. I headed down to my agency to pick up details for another job, grab checks, that kind of thing.

And then my agent said she needed to speak to me in private.

"Are you moonlighting Sara?"


"Are you moonlighting?"

All I could do was stare slackjawed at her in surprise. Not comprehending what she was saying, because the idea of it was just ludicrous to me.

"Well, a client of ours, told us that they hired you for a D & D 3 days ago, and that you were horrible."

Honestly. I was just flabbergasted.

"Tell me the truth, was that you," she asked.

"Huh. They said it was me?"


"Like.... my name... Sara Ann K?"


"Are you sure? Did they say I was mixed too? Did this person say that she was from Miss Universe as well? When was this?"

"3 days ago la. And we just wanted to check.. because they said that you were really bad. So we just wanted to make sure," she said, as she drawled on her cigarette.

"Huh? What company was this? Who told you this? It wasn't me. It really wasn't me. I was on holiday. How could it be me? Wait.. this person said SHE WAS ME?"

"Yes, and she was mixed also. Could also speak Chinese. Said she was from Miss Universe too. "

"It really wasn't me. I told you I was going on holiday what. I was on holiday. My mom is outside at the coffeeshop, do you want her to come and assure you that I'm not moonlighting? That it wasn't me?"

I was in a total panic. First of all. There was someone out there, pretending to be me. And worse, this person was ruining my reputation.

But the thing is.... for me, the more I tried to explain. I probably looked more guilty. I don't know what it is about me. Ask me to defend someone else. Fight for someone else. I can take down giants. But, fight for myself. Defend my own name... especially when my integrity is questioned...

I don't know. Maybe it's because my momma raised us not to tell lies. That white lies and grey lies are still lies. That we just... don't tell lies. So to be accused of lying.... flusters me. The idea itself, is ludicrous to me.

I may have arse luck. Be like a #comedychannelforthegods ... but... going behind people's backs, was never really my forte.

My agent realised, after I showed her my passport as well (even though she didn't ask for it - see, I told you I'm one of those who panics when I get accused wrongly of something.. I start blubbering and try to prove that it's not me in every single way possible.... ) that it definitely wasn't me.. she let up.

I asked her to get photos and everything else from that client. Because for one, I was scared of someone actually impersonating me.

It felt like.. identity theft on a large scale. And this girl, whoever she was, was daring. And doing this in public. Just.. pretending to be me in order to get work. The cheek! (Honestly, at the time, I was more stressed than anything, because this girl, was "destroying my rice bowl".)

Begged my agent to get to the bottom of it... but till this day... the case of the "mystery me" has not been solved.

I still wonder sometimes... who that person was.

Why she stole my identity. And how she even managed to do it. And I'm sure she possibly ripped quite a few people off in the process as well.

But, what begs to question is.... WHY ME?

The only reason I am thinking about this.. is because over the last few weeks, I have been troubled over a possible stalker situation.

A fellow industry colleague who also is a presenter along with her twin, was chatting to me at an event, asking me why I looked so tired and stressed. I confided my woes. And she declared rather loudly, "Who would want to stalk you?"

To be honest. I was rather embarrassed. Trust me. I've asked myself the same thing.

I don't feel very special most days. And.. I shouldn't grumble... I know of a former colleague who used to read news who had it tons, tons, tons worse. She had death threats. Mine, just seemed to pale in comparison... that I felt embarrassed to even report it.

But, the thing is, I have had a few stalkers before already.

So I was wondering.. what was it about me that made me so... "stalker-friendly"?

Am I, like the police officer said, "Too nice"?

All I know is, when I first realised that I might have someone who was actually following me around from time to time. Skulking around in shadows... I started becoming more conscious of how careless I am because I take safety in Singapore for granted.

When walking home, I realised, I tend to be scrolling on my phone instead of paying attention to my surroundings.

Getting around, I never really bother registering people's faces like I once used to, as a game. Because yup. On the phone that has been surgically attached to my palm.

Someone's Wifi left open? SCORE! - was the way I used to think. Not so much now.

Even simple internet security, like password changes, turning off my computer when I leave the office... those were all things I never noticed. But now, I do.

So well...

At the end of the day...

Who would want to impersonate me?

Who would want to stalk me?

Heck. My guess is as good as anyone's.

But as much stress as it has given me.. I guess at the very least, I got a lesson out of it.

Be safe peeps.


Wednesday, December 4, 2013

In the spotlight: Foxxy - Only for the bold, beautiful and the brave, baybeh!

So you guys know that I was gone for a long time in Bali earlier this year. One of the reasons was because of The Fashion Festival, Bali at The Stones Hotel at Legian. A Marriott hotel from the autographed collection. So it was a really nice swanky affair.

One of my fave discoveries at the festival, was Leah de Gloria. But another one I fell in love with. .. Foxxy clothing. 

Now I can safely tell you that their designs are not for everyone. 

Funky. Cool.  Quirky. They are not what you would call subtle. No. Some of them are definitely a lesson in peacocking. Literally,  with all those feathers going on. 

But they were one of my favourite discoveries because without a doubt,  anything you pick from the label  is guaranteed to be a head turner. I found their outfits nothing to look at in the hangers.  Mostly because they didn't seem to make sense.

It's like stepping into a costume shop and being overwhelmed by all the sequins, feathers, lace, exploding in a riot of colors in your face. No. .. this is not what one would call a cohesive collection.

And this is why. .. almost every single creation- a result of designer, Natasha V's brain- is worth taking the time to look at and absorb. You need to take time and slowly pour through the choices, like you are in a vintage shop scouring for the next gem of a find.

The pretty Eurasian looking girl who has based the brand in Jakarta made a good choice. . Her clothes have pop. Swagger.  They're not for the faint hearted. And if you are one of those who wants to stand out in a sea of Ibu's (socialites in Indonesia who are known for their big bouffant updos) with their high hair and all. .. this brand might very well be your best bet.

Almost every single piece is a one off.  And priced between SGD $100 and up,  at an average of $250 to $300 per outfit. .. honestly.  This is a bargain. Essentially you are paying for a couture-like, unique piece, at RTW prices. What's not to love? 

Trust me,  not all of them look good on hangers. Some looked horrendous on the models too. Because these are outfits that need a personality to go with it.

If not, you are really just going to look like a girl who is playing dress up in her mother's clothes. So its best if you are LOUD. Or LARGER THAN LIFE. You need to be to pull these clothes off. Otherwise you could look dreadful. Think... prom queen princess meets Mick Jagger.

But I can imagine fashionistas who are bored with what usual brands have to offer,  finding this a balm. I can picture the brand being favoured by pop stars. Performers. Actresses. Anyone who has a red carpet event. 

Any of her outfits will definitely get you noticed. Whether you land on the Best dressed or Worst dressed lists  purely depend on how you pull the outfit together.  But you will be photographed for sure.  Her outfits are hard to be ignored, so you might as well play around, have fun with fashion and take a chance.  Life is too short to take things like fashion so seriously. 

So... Go big. Or go home.

Paired with a tiara, this fishtail sequinned gown can definitely overwhelm. You have to be BIG to carry this one off, or risk looking like a drag queen in costume.

But, what is remarkable about the piece, is that it is impeccably tailored. Falls beautifully. And looked like liquid metal when the model walked. 
The designer, Natasha, wore this one evening and looked sensational in it. It can look precariously close to a getai outfit, but with the right amount of sass, this was again, another head turner.

This, believe it or not, was one of the more sedate pieces. But it actually really looked great in person. A high-waisted embellished and embroidered skirt, paired with a bralet. It actually worked. Gave me a couple of ideas.

While I am not a fan of the mullet skirts anymore, Foxxy seemed to pull them off with aplomb. Always choosing the right fabrics so the flow and movement was there.

The mullet in acid pink had a HUGE crystal waistband that definitely was eyecatching.
Again, you would never think a full sequinned number to be one of the more subtle pieces in a show. But in the Foxxy collection where acids and neons seemed to rule, this blush number seemed tame.

I don't think I would have ever thought to pair a pink fur jacket with a black sequinned gown. But it did definitely make you look.

While not a fan of the entire look, I did appreciate the work that went into the ruffled tiers of this maxi skirt. It also looked divine when in motion. 
This mullet dress was a stiffer fabric, so those who are going for movement and a bit of sass when you swish, need not consider this. But somehow, it held its own in elegance on the catwalk.

The choice of the lace over nude, was really stunning up close. And this dress would definitely work on a couple of age groups. You have to try it on though, because as with everything, FIT IS KING. And you don't want the dress to overwhelm and make you look like a doily.

This was actually really cute. I loved the skirt when the model walked. Again. Movement. Reminded me of an Isabel Marant piece I have. 

Again, another mullet dress that looked stunning when the model moved. I could not help but stare at this dress. It reminded me of some of the prettiest fighting fish I have seen.

Pink and frilly, this is definitely more for the younger socialite set.

And I'm pretty sure some girls would love to have this for their sweet 16.

While the pink sequinned mini didn't wow me, the PURE LEATHER STUDDED JACKET DEFINITELY DID!
Had I not already spent so much, I would have bought this in a heartbeat. Exquisitely handcrafted. And was a steal for what it was at about $300 SGD. I am still regretting not buying it.

Another prom princess dream. 

While I doubt I would ever wear this, I still could not take my eye off it. Perhaps it was the rainbow in my hair. Perhaps because I know that no matter what, this rainbow colored number will have people looking. And staring.
Plus, the pink parade will love it if you donned this for Mardi Gras.

This dress, while not my style, was exquisitely crafted. The detail that went into this... amazing.

This number was so fluffy and cute. The floral bralet. With the ostrich feathered skirt. Adorbz. I got annoyed by the shoes though.

I loved this feather and lace dress so much, I bought it.

Cute for a Sunday brunch. But slightly too short for meeting the parents, this is probably a first or second date dress. One of those where you want to be seen as sweet and feminine, and yet...... a lil' saucy on the side.

This teal number was again, another pouffy confection. Loved the color. And I'm sure debutantes would love to don this at a cocktail.

Again another frothy, cutesy number.

The finale.

The cute Bee, posing in a Foxxy fur jacket in front of the Mr & Mrs Wardrobe collection
The designer of Foxxy and I, wearing her creations.
The Foxxy Team with myself (far right) and my friend Tiff (2nd from left in white)
The cool studded bralet top
This was actually two items. A mesh embroidered sequinned dress, and an ostrich feather skirt
Myself and my Bali BFF, Casey Burgess. A former presenter with the popular kid's show Hi-5. Both of us weaing Foxxy. Loved Casey's cute dress with all the feathers.

Remember I said I bought the dress? Yup. Wore it to Digital Fashion Week 2013!

I'd definitely like to thank Foxxy for clothing me that night. I really enjoyed wearing her clothes.
You can check out their main webpage at

And the one who definitely needs the kudos, The Stones, Legian, for pulling the whole The Fashion Festival Bali, 2013 off. I had great fun. Thank you for inviting me.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013


That ... is exactly how I feel.

Like dry husks, being squeezed to get even more out of them. Even though it's already just... gone. Dry.

The last two weeks have been an absolute wringer for me. And all I can hope for is that it will all get better.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Breaking Kiki

What you have broken...

After all that's been said and done. ..
I've been thinking a lot about love and trust.
I think it's true.. you don't always trust the people you love. But you can love the people you trust.  At least, it is easier.
Maybe I trust too easily.  
I know that in the last few years,  it's been so hard for me to trust anyone. To truly open up. Let down my guards. Barriers. Forts. 
Share who I really am. My thoughts. My dreams. Who I really am - warts and all. 
Who I am online. In public. Who I am to all of you out there. They are me.  Pieces of me. They have all been authentic,  because I don't believe in pretending to be someone who I'm not. 
But they're not all of me. 
I am soft-hearted. So if someone is in trouble,  I help. It's just what I've been taught to do. When someone needs help,  you help. 
Now,  the list of people who have taken me for granted is just growing. ...
In maybe the last 10 years,  I've only let 2 people in ... and only 1... with all of me. 
And now,  even that is proving to be a mistake.  

Sunday, November 17, 2013


The low, guttural, pained moans of a wounded animal woke me from my slumber.

In my sleepy haze, I blearily registered that hot tears were falling from my eyes. Scalding my cheeks as they burned their way into my already sodden pillow.

The sounds that awoke me from my sleep, I realised,  were coming from me. From my stomach that felt hollow except for a leaden lump of sadness, travelling to my chest that felt like I had been punched repeatedly till my ribs had cracked and I couldn't breathe. Those sad, pitiful, heartwrenching sounds made their way up and to my throat where they found a voice.

I was the wounded animal.  

I stared out of the narrow slit of light that my black out blinds did not cover. Staring at what just a week ago, was his view.

Wiping my tears, the moans that turned to sobs in my conscious state,  now slowed to whimpers.

I closed my eyes, and curled in a foetal ball,  slowly let the flow of tears send me drifting off to sleep again.

Friday, November 15, 2013

'Scuse me I'm a blogger

So there was a huge commotion and ruckus rather recently in cybersphere between two people I do know.

In one corner we have a very upright, standup type of guy who I've known for ages. He was sent a rather nasty email that came from a blogger who threatened, rather maliciously to smear the reputation of his business because of a tardy email reply.

In the other corner, a young girl whom I've met, and on all occasions has been nothing but sociable and friendly. A blogger who seemed to be very enthusiastic about her new foray into the realm of social media AS A JOB.

Yes. I repeat. BLOGGING AS A JOB.

Why I bring this story up? It is not because I am keen on rehashing old news. Hence why I am not even bothering sharing the screen grabs of the email. The comments that followed. Or even her reply.

First of all. My name was tagged in the post that eventually went viral. Because yes. I used to blog.

What is this I am reading now then? You might ask.

Well. Ok. This is a blog. Kinda. Sorta.

I write musings when I feel up to it. And I usually rely mostly on social media to express myself. This is very different from when I maintained a blog as #hostsara on #moblogs. A website that was truly before its time, and pioneered by two really cool people at Singtel.
Background/ Backstory

The blog was awesome because way back in 2003, anyone, when registered as a moblogger, could upload diary entries via sms. Much like a tweet. To update your status.

If you wanted to write slightly more, you could even upload an MMS- a picture, with longer text, very similar to what Instagram is today.

You could also upload videos via MMS - which is very similar to what instagram has, except - even better. Because as you could upload about 30 seconds of video- or whatever was compressable for an MMS. 

Then of course, you could go on to the website, and blog like you would on wordpress or livejournal or blogger. With ease. And all the different trimmings like add a pic etc.

You could also have galleries. Much like facebook and flickr. When I would go for a trip for instance, I would upload 30 to 40 photos in there, to show people what my trip was like.

And that's not all. One of the key features of the site, was its ability to let users talk to each other via sms. Without the exchange of phone numbers. Therefore making it much safer. Very much like the twitter platform, all you had to do was send an sms, starting with the nickname of the moblogger you wanted to leave a message for, and voila. He or she would receive it on their phone. Real time. Like a real sms. And they'd know its from you because your nickname would be there.

We had several cool things that we did as well. We had moblog mydreamd8. The winners, Posha Rai and Edmund Heng, met during that contest. Went on the lovely romantic cruise they had won. AND - they are still happily married to each other till this day. I think that's pretty cool.

We had moblog idol - that unveiled stars like Desmond Tan and Andie Chen, who are now bonafide actors and superstars in their own right.

We even had Samsung idol, where people competing to win new Samsung technology would write posts and contributions made on their samsung devices.

And, we had National Day moblogs. Which- let me tell you. Was incredible. People who registered and smsed during the National Day Parade (including people like famous director Jack Neo) would get their messages flashed across the TV screens like "dedications".

Sadly this service did not reach its full potential because users were limited to people who had registered mobile phone numbers that started with +65.

Moblogs, sadly, was eventually terminated by Singtel, who deemed the service not profitable, somewhere in 2006. 

A shame. Considering apps with way less functionality, have sold for way more in recent days. 


At the height of this phase, I would actually get more than 6000 smses a day from fans who wrote to me. Spoke to me. And have live, real time conversations with me.

I'd get more than 10 thousand unique hits a day on my blog alone.

And despite all this "power" and "fame" - never. Ever. Did I use this for the wrong reason.

Now I know that STOMP has its good qualities. As does the immediacy of social media.

There is this thing that I have talked about with a friend who I consider a "powerful blogger" - with a reach of more than 100k followers on twitter alone that he termed, "THE POWER OF A TWEET".

I myself, have seen its might.

I have had instances where a earpiece is practically melded to my face, while I am put on hold after my psycho-motor skills have been tested by a series of complicated button-pressing routines issued to me by a robot. Only to be rewarded by hours of ghastly elevator music- probably the aforementioned robot showing off her skills- while my jaw starts to lock and my chin starts to cramp.

I can think of more pleasurable occasions to reach the latter combination I might add.

The worst is when after a loooong wait, you hear static, a distant voice trying to say hello in an accent you recognise as foreign, before hearing it. THE TONE OF DISCONNECT DEATH.

After several harrowing experiences, I have resorted to tweeting my problems. Adding in the handle of the companies in question.

Most, reply with startling immediacy. Usually never exceeding 24 hours.

(I could elaborate, and give examples of companies which have done this well, and those which have poor social media skills, but I don't want to let people think this is a sponsored post.)

But, this is truly an amazing phenomenon.

In my years as a journalist, I found that I started writing less on my blogs. Also, because my opinions expressed always have to explicitly be stated as my own, and not my employers. Coupled with the fact that I maintained really long and irregular work hours with lots of writing involved I usually was all written out at the end of a work day. My blogging dwindled to well...

Let's just say that my 5 blogs have missed me and if they were hooked up to a heart rate monitor, they would have flatlined.

But in those years, I also saw how journalists had a considerable disdain for bloggers. Not only were these social media sluts now taking up the front rows in fashion shows, usually reserved for editors, they were cramping them out of food tastings. They were being treated like celebrities. They were being lavished with gifts that us, as credible journalists, are not allowed to receive, and must declare to our superiors. Most of the time, these items are sold. Donated with the sale money going to charity. Or, if editors deign us as worthy of a little treat or two, allow us the privilege of "buying" the item. (Proceeds also donated to charity.)

Well. I'm not sure about you, but that is how it works in my current place of employment.

Is this bad? Well. Truly. It does suck for us. But, the superiors, in their divine wisdom, purport the fact that they do not want us to be bought. Our reviews. Our opinions. Cannot be sold for the price of a snazzy new piece of technology that others might queue for hours to obtain.

They do not want us to sing praises of a fashion show that might have literally, been rucksacks draped on a model, to be described of as "ethereal", "must buy" or "genius", just because the fashion house might have gifted us with an It Bag.

Bloggers however, are exempt from these limitations.

They are gifted. A lot. And often.

And many of them, are paid. SERIOUS SUMS OF MONEY. Very much more than what we, as journalists are paid.

Rumour has it that a certain doyenne of blogging, who did steadily gain fame after participating in the first Moblog contest, makes $150 THOUSAND a year. Kudos to her.

I myself have wondered what the heck am I doing, working this hard. Sometimes for not so pleasant people in charge of my destiny - (I have to interject and say my current boss is ace) - when people like the aforementioned blogger, with her steady following, has photos on her instagram advertising a good deal. A discount offered to getting your stuff featured on her instagram site for a mere $600. SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS.  IS A DISCOUNT. So she will wear the clothes she is given. Or use the products she is gifted. And feature them in photographs.



I wonder why I even stopped blogging. Sigh.

If there is ever a have your cake and eat it too moment. I am guessing, this is it.

There are also the ones who get free trips. Flown all over the place. Get free meals. Free stays. Free air tickets.

And the thing is... the more reliable ones. The ones who actually do have a legitimate following. Are revered. They can make or break your restaurant or hotel with a single blog review. So if you want them to write something nice. They are paid. And then courted like the world's most beautiful woman.

Now, being friends with professional bloggers myself. I know some of the frustrations. People immediately assume you are a freeloader some times who will be content with a free ride. If blogging is your livelihood - adsense or nuffnag, will hardly be enough to sustain you. These are people who have gone off the grid. Some who gave up legitimate jobs to do what they love with no gurantee of a monthly income. So sponsored reviews and advertorials, are the only way to make a decent living.

But, because of this. Despite the whole blogging industry sagging over the last few years. Blogging has again, become big business. Blogging. Burgeoning. Boom.

Where previously, every Tom, Dick, Harry and Sally called themselves a model, even if they had merely a blogshop face. Now, every other person, left right and centre, is a blogger. And with the obvious perks, including companies kowtowing at your feet and throwing gifts your way in fear of getting bad press in the big worldwideweb, everyone including my cousin's friend's grandfather's neighbour and her kitchen sink - has been trying to get on the bandwagon.

The tale of a dude, who totally quit his job a few years ago, just so he could live his dream and travel is not so novel anymore. Where writing a blog for him to journal his life might have been unique back then, now there are a thousand-and-one others who write lists. Give you the top five things to do in a city. Who go on free travel junkets and send one or two pictures and write one miserable post that maybe, realistically, only ten people read.

Where the Sartorialist and his partner -whom he met through his sartorial travels- Garance Dore, used to take pictures of fashionable people at fashion shows or in fashionable cities were once considered out of the box. Unique. Cool. It was not long before other famous sites with a similiar slant, like The Facehunter emerged. And now, at every fashion show in every major city, and even in small towns, there are aspiring fashion bloggers and rail-thin tweens trying to be the next Rumi Neely or Bryanboy - whom we know, has already made it to mainstream fame with his stint on America's Next Top model as the social media judge - being photographed and paparazzied not just by legit press, but by any DSLR-toting hipster/Sartorialist-wannabe who owns a style blog.

So naturally, it didn't take long for fashion companies to cotton on and throw outfits and accessories to those regularly featured. Who, probably, are way easier to handle, and less demanding than celebrities. Camera companies, phone companies were also quick to throw their goods at those who would take these photos.

So let's talk about these blogs then for a moment. Some aren't blogs anymore. They've migrated to legitimate .com sites. Domains that are their own. Named after themselves. That they maintain themselves. They lend a site more credibility. Like a legit business. It is also why I don't consider myself a blogger because one of these very same professionals, called this very blog "a mickey mouse site". Because I have no focus. No one thing. And this blog is functioning as I thought blogs should. Personal musings. As and when I like. Not limiting me to one topic. A blog by definition, is an online journal afterall. Apparently, I am naiive. This is MY site. And I hardly even spellcheck. But this is my sanctuary. And I'm not being paid to do this as a source of my income. So... like it. Or leave it.

And can I just say, while some of these sites are completely entertaining. Some of the blogs, are exactly as blogs usually are. Self-indulgent. This is fine if you are like me, and aren't professing yourself to be a professional.

But. Selfies. Ootds. Outfits that scream - this was given to me for free/ I was invited to a sample sale if not I really could not afford this. Why are they being paid to also get free stuff. *pout* I ALSO WANT!

Some lead glamourous lifestyles, being flown all over the world and wined and dined. Let's not forget, these are usually accompanied by the annoying humble brag facebook status updates.

I can't help but feel slightly cantankerous. And a little sad for my fellow colleagues who have trained for years to hone their skills under professors who have screamed while tearing up their written work, strict editors with bad tempers, and newsmakers who either, bug you non-stop to make sure you have a really nice photo of them published, or say you have mis-quoted them when the article goes to print. Despite the fact that you fact-checked and even re-checked what they've said with them, personally, a few times, paranoid by the threat of law suits.

While these bloggers write glowing reviews of the hotel/fashion brand/computer/alcohol/ lingerie/watch etc, champagne flute in hand - there is a frazzled looking journalist, notebook and pen in hand. Scribbling notes furiously. Being thrown out of fashion shows. Blacklisted by those one writes less than stellar reviews for. And ignored by the very same PR companies who once treated you like a media darling, but the moment you switch your beat, your role, or your quit your job, suddenly render you as useless deadweight. No longer invite you to parties. Don't make eye contact with you when you go with a friend as a plus one. And if you thought any of your conversations prior were genuine - well, think again because they seldom will spare more than a hello for you now. Because excuse me, another blogger just stepped into the function. And we so need her to write good stuff about our brand.


Now if these bloggers keep it real all the way. Keep to the same style. Stay who they are. And are rewarded... I have absolutely no qualms with that.

But it is those who act self-entitled. Arrogrant.

The ones who barge in demanding free treatments because of "who they are". Some who write posts that uncover them as "writers" who possess language skills of a gnat. Then.... WHY THE HELL ARE THEY BEING PAID TO BE BULLIES?

Have we, thanks to wanting this "freedom of speech" online - inevitably created a culture of people who all think they are stars and deserve to be rewarded for it?

Because I seem to know at least 8 people in the last two weeks who have told me that they have their own youtube channels.

Social media. Is now the new reality tv in a world where everyone wants to become a celebrity.

And all I can say is peeps...

Like a wise man once said, that now has become a famous tagline in a comic...

Just like these bloggers or social media starlets, shouldn't abuse their newfound fame like six-year-olds wielding swords, staggering under its weight and becoming the playground bully....

We have responsibilities too.

With who we read. Who we support. Who we lend credibility with our eyeballs. Or click "follow" or "like". Because at the end of the day - we are the ones who are the enablers of someone who might become famous because of potty mouthed postings if we keep reading.

We are the ones, who are handing the big, sharp sword, to the six year old who walks with a cocky swagger who we really can't stand. And handing the six-year-old his or her paycheque too.

I believe, first and foremost. That we are what we read.

So don't support trash. If you see someone who writes something stupid. Or if this person says so and so wrote a stupid post that might offend your sensibilities.

Do the right thing.

And just click away.

p.s. If there are any of you who do want recommendations for sites I really do read. And rate. Or social media influencers or bloggers who I think do deserve to get paid for what they do. Hit me up. And I'll give you my opinion.

For free.

** all my posts are written on the fly. Non-sequiter. And have not been approved of by my editor, who would probably vomit blood at the sheer length of this post. So it will have grammatical errors. It might have spelling and punctuation mistakes. So sue me. I'm not getting paid for this.