Gone in 60 seconds

So nothing is worse than going to work, rushing for a last minute meeting, and then, having it rain on your "freshly-washed-and-ironed-hair" parade right?

Well, that was what I went through today..

TILL...

Cute guy in cab stand. Who sweetly offered me his very crumpled brown starbucks serviettes to wipe my now frizzy-haired self off.

Now, as I was tweeting lines out...

You know what sucks? Rain. After a last minute meeting. On your freshly washed and ironed hair. That frizzes when damp. And is now a mess.
— sara ann k (@saraannk) April 21, 2014

You know what doesn't suck? Hello cute guy at cab stand who just gave me your crumpled starbucks serviettes to wipe myself off...
— sara ann k (@saraannk) April 21, 2014

P.S. Pls send a prayer to mascara gods that reason why cute guy in cab stand proffered serviettes is not cos I look like Joker. okthxbai.
— sara ann k (@saraannk) April 21, 2014

Of course, I failed to notice that perhaps, maybe said guy in question was trying to get my attention.

I was.. well. Chatting with a friend on messenger right?

Any way, I am trying to recall this as best as I can..

How is this for a 60 second. Or.. maybe 90 second, pickup line, when a guy is getting into a cab, right in front of you, in the rain. And getting wet, while delivering this rather romantic monologue.

"Hi, I am so sorry, but I wanted to just tell you. You are really very pretty. And pretty people like you are usually taken. But I thought your earring was really cool. My kid would love it. And your shoes are really cool. And I have a feeling that you're a really cool person too. The guy who has you is really lucky. And if there is no guy, then maybe I am lucky. Except, maybe I'm not so lucky. Because I'm getting out of a really messy divorce. So I don't know how to do this because I haven't done this in a long time. I got married to my childhood sweetheart. And my cab is honking. And I am not even based in Singapore yet. Which would be unfair to you. You probably get this all the time. But, here is my card, and at the risk of sounding really cheesy. Call me, maybe?"

Cue Sara, standing stunned, with a slightly soggy namecard, as cute guy jumps into cab and cab screeches off.

And everyone else in cab queue is pretending NOT to have heard everything, suddenly furiously tapping at their phones, or answering calls that well, had no phone ring.


But waitasec....

Rewind all of this for a minute... Because, we all know, that in Sara-land.... I am the comedychannelforthegods right? So, let me give you the real lowdown on what was happening during this profession of... fancy.

So, while I was wiping myself off. Gratefully, and checking my secondary camera to see if I looked like... well...

Because that is the story of my life... And I realised to my horror that indeed, my mascara was smudgy, and I was desperately trying to wipe it out.

Aside: For people who don't know me... I'm hip, and cool, and smart and funny and elegant.
For the people who do know me. I'm all the above. Except the first and the last. 

I'm the type of girl who, when wearing a nice gown and heels, and looking to the world like I'm gliding past like a princess, is desperately praying in her head... don't fall don't fall don't fall... wait... is that a chocolate fondue fountain? 


And when I did. I also managed to somehow, make myself look worse, so, what else could I do, but make myself UNCUTER. I donned my specs, and tied up my now mangled hair in a messy low ponytail, as well as someone carrying a heavy handbag on one arm, and a lap top bag and ipad, can do. (Not very well at all. Visual guide below.)

And a cab finally comes, and I am grateful that cute guy is in front of me, because its a Chrysler. And we all don't take them, unless we are desperate enough to pay $5 extra.

Then, the guy twists his body out of the cab, so one leg is in the cab, and his other is still on the road, and in the rain.... starts saying......

"Hi, I am so sorry, but I wanted to just tell you. You are really very pretty."

*sara's eyes start bugging out, as she looks left and right, wondering if cute guy was indeed talking to her.

"And pretty people like you are usually taken."

(I may, or may not have snort-laughed rather unglamorously at this point. But I can't/don't want to remember.)

"But I thought your earring was really cool."

*sara's left hand reflexively touches unicorn earring

"My kid would love it."

*whoa you bastard why are you even talking to me you sonofa..

"And your shoes are really cool."

*looks down at feet. Yeah, I really like these cool brogues. I mean. They were cheapies. And they're low and comfy. And not girly girl. And I can run in them. And in this rain too... I love them! I should get another. I wish they had another. It was the last and only pair in that sale at that shop in Hong Kong. I don't know if I can ever find my way to that shop again. It was across the road from that shop selling silver that closed down. 

He may or may not have been saying other stuff at this point. But I was thinking about shoes.

"And I have a feeling that you're a really cool person too."

*Nothing went through my mind other than "Heh" here. I might have done a mental hair flick.

"The guy who has you is really lucky."

*cue Sara's eyebrows raising at least 1.5 cm higher than usual.

"And if there is no guy, then maybe I am lucky."

*cue Sara's eyebrows reaching her scalp line and her mouth hanging open, jaw drop moment.

"Except, maybe I'm not so lucky."

*sara looking confused, and thinking, I should shut my mouth. In case of flies. Sara shuts mouth. But does not regain control of errant eyebrows still causing frown lines in forehead that Dr. Georgia Lee would not be pleased with.

"Because I'm getting out of a really messy divorce."

*sara's head jerks backwards. eyes as big as famous amos cookies, as I thought, omg, my eyes are like... as big as cookies right now. Probably famous amos sized. Not the big ones. The normal ones. I like famous amos. Hmm. I wonder if they have famous amos around here. 

*sara does quick scan of area for famous amos*

"So I don't know how to do this because I haven't done this in a long time."

*sara nods, sympathetically I think. Mostly with head cocked to the right, and nodding in the.. aaaah.. Yes, I see what you're saying (when you don't really understand what the other person is saying) type nod.

"And the cab is honking."

*Sara thinks. Darn it. Now I'm really craving cookies. And the ones in the office are so small now. And I guess that's my cab. But I shall wait here, and not run to you honking impatient red and white cab uncle. Cos.. it's RAINING. Oh. That's why you're honking. Cos... we're stuck here. Hmm...

"And I am not even based in Singapore yet."

*sara thinks "huh?"

"Which would be unfair to you."

*sara's eyes fly open again, thinking, "huh? Ok..."

"You probably get this all the time."

*and I kid you not.. I did this... "awww stop it you" hand gesture.. 

Awkwardly.

With my arm that was holding the laptop.

So I looked like an untrained seal pup trying to swat a fly.

"But, here is my card, and at the risk of sounding really cheesy. Call me, maybe?"

Cue Sara, standing stunned, with a slightly soggy namecard, as cute guy jumps into cab and cab screeches off. 

As Sara thinks..

What just happened?

Get in cab. Whoa. My head. Ouch.

Uncle, Toa Payoh Newscentre please..

Hmm. I should really rub lucky charm's belleh. Heh. He be lucky.

Blissful audible sigh.

I'm glad Liverpool won the game last night.

A girl's guide to Euro 2012: The HOTTEST Hunks Pt 2

So we've already covered the first 8 teams alphabetically. Which leaves us.. the even hotter teams to get through.

NETHERLANDS

Debateably one of the hottest teams to be fielded.
Which might explain their first inexplicable loss to Denmark.
But hey, if you look that good hons, seriously. Just take off your shirts and strut your stuff on pitch.

Hottie #15

So hot.. he's almost roasted.

Wouldn't you love to be pressed up against that?

Dazed and confused at his team's loss.

Intense on the cover of PSV Inside

Name: Ibrahim Afellay
Position: Forward
Date of birth (age): 02/04/1986 (26)
Country: Netherlands
Squad number: 20
Club: Barcelona ( ESP)
Height: 180cm
Weight: 76kg
Twitter: #Afellay

With chiseled good looks and intense brooding gazes, its no wonder this face has graced magazines. Also known for being SUPER FIT, he might need some comforting after his team's first loss. WAG-wannabes' start your queueing now.
Hottie #16

As you were ladies.
This was taken 1 day ago.
My screen is foggy.

Definitely the playa with the most swagga.

And we can't be wrong because he was also on the cover of
ESQUIRE!!
Dude is BALLIN'

And he has the bod to boot.

Name: Gregory van der Wiel

Position: Defender
Date of birth (age): 03/02/1988 (24)
Country: Netherlands
Squad number: 2
Club: Ajax ( NED)
Height: 172cm
Weight: 69kg
Twitter: #VanderWiel

The latest in the squad to set foot in Krakow, Gregory still settled in well and played 85 mins of the first game against Denmark before Dirk Kuyt took over. Yes. They might have lost. But with this cutie on the pitch- we truly are the ones that won.

And I'm glad he took the orange shirt off. I mean.. this cocoa-latte god looks best bare.
Not in traffic-cone orange.

And who can forget

Hottie #17

Hellooo there hunneh.

DId you forget the color of my eyes?
Because if you did.. they are actually green.
Nobody notices my eyes.

Glamming it up for the camera.

Name: Robin van Persie

Position: Forward
Date of birth (age): 06/08/1983 (28)
Country: Netherlands
Squad number: 16
Club: Arsenal ( ENG)
Height: 183cm
Weight: 71kg
Twitter: #VanPersie

Now this guy passed up an excellent opportunity to score during the game against Denmark.. but where he does score... in our hearts...

Here seen playing football with his son Shaqueel after a training session,
He was also spotted playing with an against kids on a mini pitch donated by
the Dutch players.
Everybody altogether now...
AWWWWWWWWWW....

Hottie #18

• Name: Wesley Sneijder
• Position: Midfield
• Date of birth (age): 09/06/1984 (28)
• Country: Netherlands
• Squad number: 10
• Club: Internazionale ( ITA)

• Height: 170cm
• Weight: 72kg

• Twitter: #Sneijder

Definitely an integral part of the team. But.. he's taken. -_-

POLAND


Hottie #19

Does he look familiar?

Well...Because he looks like LOKI!!

• Name: Robert Lewandowski
• Position: Forward
• Date of birth (age): 21/08/1988 (23)
• Country: Poland
• Squad number: 9
• Club: Dortmund ( GER)

• Height: 184cm
• Weight: 78kg

• Twitter: #Lewandowski

For the LOKI-lovers, this guy also is great ON pitch. And he wins! He looks older than his age. So even if you do decide to cougar it, at least, it won't be obvious. Especially if you are Asian. *grin*

But this dude scored the dramatic opening goal in Poland's match against Greece which ended with a 1-1. And rumour has it this guy might become a devil soon. Even more Loki-like!

Hottie #20

We'd rather see you naked. #imjustsaying

• Name: Damien Perquis
• Position: Defender
• Date of birth (age): 10/04/1984 (28)
• Country: Poland
• Squad number: 15
• Club: Sochaux ( FRA)

• Height: 182cm
• Weight: 72kg

• Twitter: #Perquis

To ne perfectly honest, the bench probably has prettier boys in this team. But, if you like your men looking Gladiator/ Sparta - like. Damien is your man. And I do like it when a manly man knows how to accessorize. See boys. It can be done.

PORTUGAL

Hottie #21

Anyone who looks like a rockstar/ man-band member deserves to be on this list

But watch out dude, I think Jared Leto is mad you stole his look.


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But you make deep-v's work hunneh.



Name: Fábio Coentrão

Position: Defender
Date of birth (age): 11/03/1988 (24)
Country: Portugal
Squad number: 5
Club: Real Madrid ( ESP)
Height: 179cm
Weight: 66kg

The guy can perform and has a little bit of sexy aggression in him. I mean.. the dude had a yellow card on the hour during the first match against Germany.

And we all love a little bad boy don't we.

Hottie #22

What's that you said about boybands?

Name: Miguel Veloso

Position: Midfield
Date of birth (age): 11/05/1986 (26)
Country: Portugal
Squad number: 4
Club: Genoa ( ITA)
Height: 180cm
Weight: 79kg
Twitter: #Veloso


Another boyband potential player. Now famous for saying that the reason why portugal was yhaving problems scoring, was the uncooperative ball.
"It’s the reality. We have created a lot of chances but the ball doesn’t want to go in," midfielder Miguel Veloso told reporters.

The ball doesn't want to go in.

Yeah. We've heard that one before. *roll eyes*

Forget this one if you want bang for your buck. =P

Hottie #23

My pearlies pay for themselves!

I'm a rockstar and you know it.

Since I haven't been on the field yet, this shall be my casting shot
for the next Wolverine movie. What?! No love for HUGO?



You're kidding right, mate?



 

Name: Hugo Viana

Position: Midfield

Date of birth (age): 15/01/1983 (29)

Country: Portugal

Squad number: 20

Club: Braga ( POR)

Height: 180cm

Weight: 75kg

Twitter: #Viana

Well, I figured he would appeal to a certain crowd. Plus- the guy is bilingual. Spoke both Portugese and English at the press con. Sexay!

Hottie #23

You don't know who I AM?
You makey me very ANGRYYY!
AAARRRRAWR!

COME ON! You still don't know?

Fine I'm just gonna walk away from this.

And show you how sexay I can be... ooooh.

Now you're looking at me..

And I'm getting a little shy.
NOT.

Do I make you horny baybeyh, do I make you randy?

If not I'll just wear a little towel.
You know.. a lil something more comfortable..

You must know my name.
I am god.


Name: Cristiano Ronaldo

Position: Forward

Date of birth (age): 05/02/1985 (27)

Country: Portugal

Squad number: 7

Club: Real Madrid ( ESP)

Height: 184cm

Weight: 78kg

Twitter: #Ronaldo

So he likes to think.
-_-


IRELAND

Hottie #24



You think I look Asian? I get that all the time.




Name: Darren O'Dea

Position: Defender
Date of birth (age): 04/02/1987 (25)
Country: Republic of Ireland
Squad number: 18
Club: Celtic ( SCO)
Height: 185cm
Weight: 82kg
Twitter: #ODea

The second unused sub to star in this list. Well. He's Irish- but for some reason the dude looks pretty Eurasian in this pic no? The only reason why he made it to the list. The rest of the guys looked. Well. Irish.


RUSSIA

Hottie #25

I'm actually a Russian Robot.
You can tell by my intense gaze that will burn a hole in your body.



On my off days, I like to practice being Channing Tatum.
I wanna be like Magic Mike.



Hair. Makes all the difference. And this is my outofbedhead.

Oh, and in case you haven't noticed.
My eyes are a charming shade of azure.
What is that? A color?!

Name: Aleksandr Kerzhakov

Position: Forward

Date of birth (age): 27/11/1982 (29)

Country: Russia
Squad number: 11

Club: Zenit ( RUS)

Height: 176cm

Weight: 76kg

Twitter: #Kerzhakov

Well. Does not perform well under fire, at least he hasn't in Euro. Created scoring opportunities in the match against Czech, but kept missing the mark.

Well at least he wasn't the one who said the ball won't go in.

 SPAIN

Hottie #26

In my free time I like to look to God and pray.

Or somtimes take time off to ride a bike..

I also like to canoe/kayak or raw a boat with these stick things.



And enjoy a romantic beer on the beach.

Occasionally I like to ask philosophical questions..

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Occasionally moonlight as a DIRECTOR!

I sometimes play football too!

Name: David Silva

Position: Midfield
Date of birth (age): 08/01/1986 (26)
Country: Spain
Squad number: 21
Club: Man. City ( ENG)
Height: 170cm
Weight: 67kg
Twitter: #Silva


The lesser known David in the team (Villa seems to be the flashier one) I actually think he's infinitely better looking. And he also managed a magical performance against Italy that included a flawless pass that led to Spain's equaliser.
 
He gives as good as he looks.
 
Hottie #27

*sob* Why haven't I been able to score since I went to Chelsea.

What is that you say? You like my hair?
Why thank you. I like it too.
I believe in changing my style every other month.

Well. Even if I don't have a career in scoring goals anymore..
Maybe I could still be a Spanish soap opera star. Maybe?

Name: Fernando Torres

Position: Forward
Date of birth (age): 20/03/1984 (28)
Country: Spain
Squad number: 9
Club: Chelsea ( ENG)
Height: 186cm
Weight: 78kg
Twitter: #Torres

I am a choker. (Not of chickens. But. Occasionally that too.)
I am not worth the money.
I should have stayed at Liverpool.


Hottie #28

S'cuse me sir. The 80's called. They want their hair back.

WHO YOU SAYING HAS 80's HAIR?!

Ok... does it really stink?

If it does... maybe I can act as THOR!!

Name: Fernando Llorente

Position: Forward
Date of birth (age): 26/02/1985 (27)
Country: Spain
Squad number: 19
Club: Athletic ( ESP)
Height: 195cm
Weight: 90kg
Twitter: #Llorente

Since he also was an unused sub in the game.. well. He almost didn't make it to the list. The main reasons why he's on- at 1.95m- he definitely is Thor-like.

And he gives excellent head.

Headers. Of course.

Hottie #29

Note to self: Things I should not post on facebook.

Which photo do you mean?
*nervous laughter*

I'm so embarrassed I'm gonna go hide.

But in the end.. I always WIN.

Name: Cesc Fàbregas

Position: Midfield
Date of birth (age): 04/05/1987 (25)
Country: Spain
Squad number: 10
Club: Barcelona ( ESP)
Height: 175cm
Weight: 74kg
Twitter: #Fàbregas

I SCORED THE GOAL AGAINST SPAIN!
(We drew 1-1)
I WIN!

SWEDEN

Hottie #30

What do you mean I'm the only brown boy in my team?

I'm just too cool for school.
Too good for the hood.

And I'm sexy and I know it.

Name: Martin Olsson

Position: Defender
Date of birth (age): 17/05/1988 (24)
Country: Sweden
Squad number: 5
Club: Blackburn ( ENG)
Height: 170cm
Weight: 81kg
Twitter: #MOlsson

My real name is Martin Tony Waikwa Olsson.
I am 24.
And I am worth 3.5 million EUROS.

Hottie #31

I have nice surfer dude hair...

My serious hair.

My happy hair.

My confused hair.

AS you can see. I'm really versatile.
You can call me OLA- THE HAIR-Toivonen.
Or OLA HAIR for short.

May I join the man-band too?

Name: Ola Toivonen
Position: Forward
Date of birth (age): 03/07/1986 (25)
Country: Sweden
Squad number: 20
Club: PSV ( NED)
Height: 191cm
Weight: 74kg
Twitter: #Toivonen


He played a pretty good game clocking in 62 mins in his maiden match against Ukraine this Euro.
And his hair does grow on you.


UKRAINE

Hottie #32

I hope you don't notice my over-threaded eyebrows.

They are starting to grow back properly... Promise!

Name: Yevhen Konoplyanka

Position: Midfield
Date of birth (age): 29/09/1989 (22)
Country: Ukraine
Squad number: 19
Club: Dnipro ( UKR)
Height: 176cm
Weight: 69kg
Twitter: #Konoplyanka

He has some good long-range shots which can only mean one thing ladies.
GOOD LEGS.
He played the full 90 mins.
GOOD STAMINA.
And he provided the corner that helped Shevchenko score the winner.
GOOD TEAMWORK.

Cougar town potential.


And last but not least......

drumroll please for the ever delectable daddy..

Hottie #33

Hot in his younger days...

Posing for Armani in 2009...

Still looking goooooood...

And with fire and passion- he still brings it on.

And this is a picture of a man who has definitely
aged gracefully.
No more lying with the dyeing, his temples are greying.
But ooh.. that, and his wrinkles... sexay.

Name: Andriy Shevchenko

Position: Forward
Date of birth (age): 29/09/1976 (35)
Country: Ukraine
Squad number: 7
Club: Dynamo Kyiv ( UKR)
Height: 183cm
Weight: 73kg
Twitter: #Shevchenko

At 35, he might be one of the oldest forwards still getting caps. But this dude is still THE MAN.
Scored two headers in 7 mins against Sweden during the second half.
This man should have a beer named after him.



Meanwhile... that's all folks.
Enjoy the rest of EURO 2012!