Sunday, March 27, 2011

Her Blog- Season of love

Written 15th May 09 --------------------- So the game is up. The battle is almost over and reality has sunk in. We have done all we could have possibly done. We tried our best. But, it looks like, our best just isn't good enough. Not this season anyway. I have tried my best. I am going to come right out and be open with all of you. This year, was the first time, I really and truly fell in love. Don't get me wrong, I have been in love before. But this is probably the first time that everything seemed to be in place. I gave fully. I fell totally. I loved completely. And I gave it my all. That might not seem much to many, but I am a huge commitment phobe. I have been hurt many times before and the weight of all that has always previously stopped me from putting everything in. From letting my guard down and really trusting. Giving 100%. I was truly the happiest I have ever been and people could see it. I was shining from the inside out. Radiant. Happy. And I actually felt free! I always have felt that relationships were, sort of restraining. Constraining. I hated reporting. I was scared of the idea of just.. well... One. Especially since there were so many choices out there. And what if i had the wrong one?! Unfortunately, as hard as I tried. Maybe fate, the stars the moon, God, whatever it is that controls these things, deemed it not my season either. Just as much as Liverpool had the perfect season. As perfect as it possibly could have been. I thought I had found the perfect love. Just as I have looked here and there, trying to see where Liverpool could have done better. Played better. Maybe if Torres and Gerrard were fighting fit throughout the season. If we didn't have Keane come in and out. Maybe if he was ready for the relationship. Maybe if I didn't say this or that. Maybe if Rafa didn't rotate the squad as erratically. As much as I have questioned, I can't come up with any logical answers. Sometimes, Life just isn't fair. Maybe, this just isn't our time. I can't see anything that Liverpool could have done anything different. Yes, they deserve to win. They deserve to touch the silverware with the effort they have put in. And I am so proud that till now, they are still not giving up. They're not just falling apart because the Devils look set to steal the cup yet again this season. They're still giving it all they've got. I am proud of myself too. I have learnt that I can commit. I can be happy. My heart can give freely. One thing I've always been scared of, I learnt that when I am truly in love, I definitely won't do. I, am not a cheater. Despite all the chances. I never did. Even though me and "the ex" have been apart for some time, I haven't gone back to my usual ways and just started serial dating again. Tearing through the guys in my wake. Using them to distract me from my pain. I just have tried to be a friend. But, Life goes on. United will meet Arsenal tomorrow. And naturally, I don't want to see United win. I want to see Arsenal give it all they've got and wipe that smug smile of the devil's faces. Show them it isn't going to be that easy. That the rest of the teams, we're are all going to continue striving to knock them off their pedestals. If they get their 18th cup. Kudos. But they aren't the only ones around here. And we aren't going down without a fight. This season, I learnt to love. To my fellow Liverpool fans, and to my mending heart, there is always this August. See you at the flyer.

1 comment:

  1. wow ... u last posted in '09!
    Sorry to hear bot ur hurt, life goes on. I saw u on Razor and spent some time looking u up .... all em fashion, fast life etc ... was starting to wonder if there's a real person somewhere then this post! For some reason, I felt relief- don't worry I'm neither the stalker nor addictive personality type- was just curious to explore the person behind em Cheongsum interviews - and yes I've got time to burn.

    I remember many years back when I'd travelled for 5 or 6 months and was just so overloaded. One night I was in my rm and felt the tremendous need to feel my emotions but couldn't. I remembered the cantonese song "Tonne", hummed a few bars over and over again ... and I burst out crying ....... IT WAS GREAT! .... now why did I relate this to a complete stranger and I haven't recalled that moment for many years ...hmmm ... I gues your honesty touched some part of me and I related on an emotional level. Anyways, checking the date, that was a while ago, u should be back to ur regular self .... yes!