Thursday, May 15, 2014

Back on Facebook...... and... NOT happy about it. (proof I'm growing weird)

So after one-and-a-half long weeks of taking myself off Facebook.. I am finally back.

To be honest, I've always been a bit of a Social Media addict. I blame Moblogs back in 2003, for cultivating the habit in me. Truly a pioneering technology - it was a platform that allowed people to communicate with each other like they do on Twitter. Blog like we do on any journal platform. Post updates limited only by the character limits on an SMS like we do on Twitter. Post videos or pictures like on Instagram (via MMS back then). And host gallerys like on Flicker. All mobile too. 

In 2003!

I remember when I was helping host the site - it became my life. Getting about 6000+ smses a day from people I would interact with. It pretty much became a full-time job. It consumed me. (Think of it as getting, 6000+notifications on Twitter, each with a different person interacting with you.) Juggling that, while maintaining my own blog, pretty much became second nature.

I've always been one of the earlier adopters where it came to online stuff. Heck, my ICQ number (and if you don't know what that is, you might be too young to read my stuff) was 5 numbers! 
p.s. ICQ predated MSN messenger. I was also on IRC. But.. before I slap you with trout if you ask again, what that is... let's move swiftly on.

The point of all that "backstory" was because basically, ever since 2003, me and my phones have been inseparable. And I have always been on one social media platform or another. (Except Friendster and myspace. I was a pretty early adopter to Facebook.)

If you had told me before last week, that I would deactivate my account. And for more than a week at that. I probably would have laughed in your face 

So... I think the fact that I did it. And for that long at that... pretty much made all of my friends go 

Didn't take long for most of them to know that something serious must've been going on.

So... one would have thought, that getting back online today... would have made me happier than Tigger. 

Perhaps it is in light of what happened. I am everything but. this time... after this Facebook debacle.... with all the drama.. the hurt.... happy, is pretty much the polar opposite of how I feel about getting connected.

The same girl who usually feels like she can't breathe if there is no wi-fi or internet connection in a place. (Ok, that's an exaggeration, but you get my drift.)

Having at least, 5 or 6 different people affected... because I was a target of some malicious, misguided "revenge" ...
Being... disappointed. Right after a series of other emotionally trying events..

I actually... 
Didn't even feel like going back on.

Honestly, I only reactivated it today... with heavy feeling of dread and trepidation. If it weren't for work. I probably would not have at all.

A part of me... possibly wants to wipe the slate clean. Just... start afresh without all this baggage that Facebook brings. Old photos. Memories. Reminders of people. In fact. I really just wanted to disappear from it all.

I know it sounds drastic. But...

Just being on FB... reminds me of why I got off it. The events leading up to it. All the things I really hate about it. Like getting added and deleted callously, like I don't mean a thing. 

And for some reason, it just gives me a huge heavy sense of sadness that feels exactly like an elephant sitting on my chest.

Who would have thought one of the things I'm pretty good at and that I enjoyed, would one day, become one of the things I hate.

Don't worry...

It's not all doom and gloom on the Sara front.

On the contrary... actually... everything else in life is going pretty swimmingly well. Just.. 


hahaha.. never thought I'd see the day where I was irritated by Facebook.


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