Randomly accessing great memories. Stop. Play. Rewind.

You know how sometimes, a really good memory pops back up.. triggered by a moment.

Strangely.. It has been happening a lot of late. For the past week or so. And everyone that has popped to mind has either gotten in touch, dropped me or message, or I've bumped into.

Perhaps, because my birthday is coming soon - that I'm having all these flashbacks.

If this weekend so far has been any indication of how this birthday month is going to turn out... I'm in for a fun ride.

It has been pretty amazing. Maybe the best I've had in a long time.

=D

I leave you with one of my favourite albums of all time. I was addicted to this I think.. when I was introduced to it May/June 2004 by one of the coolest people I've met in this world.

Seriously.

ONE MORE TIME.....

 "Something About Us"

It might not be the right time

I might not be the right one

But there's something about us I want to say

Cause there's something between us anyway

I might not be the right one

It might not be the right time

But there's something about us I've got to do

Some kind of secret I will share with you

I need you more than anything in my life

I want you more than anything in my life

I'll miss you more than anyone in my life

I love you more than anyone in my life

(This was actually a full album that was done to a movie by Daft Punk in 2003. Pretty trippy. But really cool.)



*curtsy*
xx
sara

People.. that render me speechless

So I was just discussing this with a colleague recently... on why I don't really get starstruck.

I've had tons of fun in the past interviewing loads of really cool people. Aerosmith. Psy. Robbie Fowler. Rafa Benitez. Show Luo. Daniel Henney Jessica Alba. And many more...

But, I've never really gotten.. well.. tongue tied or starstruck. Who they are, doesn't really bother me. It's why I guess, it's easier for me to handle speaking to them. Because I see them as another human being.

But, for all intents and purposes, the people that I've wanted to meet, and I know I would totally have a mind explosion that will render me - the chatty catty - utterly speechless... or have me unwittingly pulling weird faces,stammer, stutter, and be petrified I would say something stupid.

Are people who have made a difference in this world.

Nelson Mandela has always been one of the people I have wanted to meet. And I was devastated that I would never get the chance to interview him when he passed. I am an admirer of Aung San Suu Kyi's, and I am hoping that I will have the chance to speak with her one day. Another person I admire greatly, is Muhammed Yunus, a social entrepeneur that helped pioneer microfinance.

I might, admittedly be a little dazzled if I ever do get to meet Angelina Jolie. Also because she really lends her hand to help.

When my colleague heard, he was like... "eh, you like politicians one meh? I had pegged you to go gaga over all the entertainment/ fashion peeps."

Don't get me wrong. I love talking to designers, and actors and singers... each time I interview another and I get a great interview, I do get an amazing buzz!

But.. I really.. really admire people who really do something with their lives.

I believe everyone has a story. But, I think way too many people in this world live entirely selfish, self-indulgent lives. I find it rather repulsive. Like parasites, sucking out of this world, without giving back.

I also have a low tolerance for people who only do stuff to be seen. Or to project a certain image. And where the actions aren't fuelled by the right intentions.

Most of all, I think people who have made a difference in the world, and continue trying to make a positive impact - gain my respect.


Ok. Let's just show you a picture reference from ONE event I hosted a year ago, to show you what I mean...



Even leaning in for a kiss with Steve Tyler of Aerosmith. And surrounded by greats - fine.


While with the pretty and petite singer Carly Rae Jepsen. Smiley.


Again... looking fine with Psy.



And even going for a shot with Ceelo.


But wait.... someone who stands up for human rights, for equality. And is mega talented to boot.



Yes. Sadly. That is my life story. And when I really like a guy. Like really like a guy.... I turn into a massive idiot around him too. And it ain't pretty. And it always seems like all the gods suddenly want to tune into Sara's comedy channel right at that exact same time, and conspire to make me look as unglamourous. Klutzy. And unsexy as they probably can. Honestly. It is ridiculous.


At the end of the day though... back to my train of thought. About people who make a difference. I think everyone has a part to play in making a difference. Some times, it doesn't even seem like we are doing enough. In fact, I often get frustrated that I can't do more. And I am a giant softee. I'm the kind of girl that at the end of the day, when it rains, and I see a cat, or a bird huddled up trying to get shelter from the rain, I actually start tearing up. (Literally. In fact it happened to me just yesterday as well. And no. I am not on my period. Pfft.)

It takes many tiny drops to make the ocean, as the old Chinese saying goes. And everything thing we do - it all counts. Whether it is a simple act of kindness, holding the door open for someone. Helping an old man who trips and falls in front of you. Giving up your seat on the train for a pregnant woman. Even small things.... some times make a big difference.


A butterfly flap in the forest can cause a storm somewhere else right? So start flapping. =)



*curtsy*
xx
sara

Sorry for the silence...

I've just been busy as a bee with tons of stuff going on! And for the first time in a long time, I've actually been at peace and happy.

There seems to be so much to do and see all the time. So many people I need to meet up with....

Honestly. I lead a full and fulfilling life. No complaints. Meeting lots of cool new people, even on instagram.. ;-)

Plus I'm pretty psyched about some stuff coming up! *sara bouncing excitedly*

The cutest thing I experienced today though, was one of the readers of the website I help run for work, Uncle Jacob, who came down to collect a prize he won for his his 88-year-old mom!

Now, this is the portal I help run and manage, and the contest he took part in, was to win a Mother's Day Staycation package with Far East Hospitality.

The cool thing about all of this though, is that our crowd, being an entertainment and lifestyle portal, is usually full of winners aged 12 to 30, who want to win movie tickets, concert tickets. Meet Justin Bieber/Taylor Swift or the next Korean boyband.

So when I saw Uncle Jacob, I was pleasantly surprised. For one - that he was rather senior. 65 actually. AND he managed to navigate our website to do a pretty awesome post .

NOT BAD RIGHT?

I mean... it would take me forever to explain to my mother how to do something like that.

Me and Uncle Jacob.

But... cute lil Uncle Jacob wrote to me at 5.30am this morning, to tell me he was coming to collect his prize today.

I think the fact that I replied almost instantaneously had him guessing that I already live and work rather irregular hours. So he actually spent time talking to me for a bit.

Very cute.

I have no idea why so many Auntie's and Uncle's these days have been volunteering love advice to me. Perhaps... as they say, people "sense" when something is near?

From the "Don't get married. You don't need to."  To the "Follow your heart". And the all time favourite, "It is all about the right time."

Uncle Jacob's gem today, "You'll never know, maybe the right guy is walking toward you. But you're too busy running around to notice."


Perhaps Uncle Jacob, perhaps. =)

*curtsy*
xx
sara

Penguins

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about Penguins. For a few months now.

How they pretty much mate for life in monogamous relationships.

I have lately been pondering that a lot. Whether or not it's possible. Maybe over time... my faith and trust in men.. and in a lot of the male species... hasn't been the strongest.

Recent events, probably chipping away at it even more.

I know that at one point, I was certain I had found my penguin.

Except... I think the real deal, would never abandon you.

Saw this ad today before a screening of X-Men...
And I totally teared up.





Pretty cool ad, eh?

If only...
=D



*curtsy*

xx
sara

Do blondes really have more fun?

So...

I'm not exactly sure whether or not I do have more fun..

I pretty much agree with Sofia Vergara...




That said...

I have had more guys who approached with "hair-specific" pick ups/chat up lines. Even with instagram!!!
So I'm starting to wonder if it's very much a fetish thing. O_O

Take for instance... Man in banana yellow pants.

Now. It's hard to miss a cool, straight guy with style. With bright banana yellow pants - I mean... How could I possibly miss him right? (They were actually really cool, and the guy really pulled them off I have to admit. I actually used to have the exact same pair of gucci sneakers as well. But lost them in a..... hmm... "custody battle".)

Either way, he was on the red carpet, messaging friends, and barely 30 seconds after I snapped this pic, he actually came up to me and went:

"I love your hair!"

"Thank you!"

"Are you.. Asian?"

*sara thinks... huh? What kind of question is that? Don't I look Asian?

"Yes, I am."

"That is hot."

"Thank you."

"No, I mean it. I think Asian girls, with blonde hair... are the hottest thing ever. My last ex-girlfriend was also Asian, with blonde hair.. and I just loved it."

*cue sara with jaw hanging a little...

Honestly. How would you have replied? I just said, "Ah, very cool..."

And before I knew it. I was caught up with more work and more friends arriving, so... I lost track of him.


But the funny thing was... it was the second time it happened that day alone. O_O

Is the... Asian's with blonde hair.... really a thing???!

Perhaps, this blonde hair has given me new hair karma/fengshui after all. Which is really cool and all that.......


But I don't want a guy who will just like me because I have BLONDE HAIR!


I've always felt that... the outside is just a shell. And what is inside is what counts.




I guess.... that is why I fell so hard for the guy I met on Twitter a long time ago. I didn't really know how he looked. He didn't really know how I looked. And we just.... connected.

It really was something special.

Not sure where in the world he is right now. But I do hope he is well.



Meanwhile.... gods of good hair fengshui.... please blow good stuff my way.




*curtsy*

xx
sara

P.S. In conclusion... do blondes really have more fun? I'm not sure. I have a decent rack so I have just as much fun. But... you definitely attract certain types of guys more. I think there are just guys out there who are into blonde hair. So... I don't know. I find it weird.


P.P.S. I haven't set up an OK Cupid or Tindr account yet as I thought I would. As is... I usually get about 1 DM a day (I know it's not much - but honestly... I am too busy for all this.) from weeeeird guys all over the world.... it pretty much already feels like the same thing!!!

Though I don't know. My friends seem to be having a lot of success with it.

So I'll keep you posted. *wink*

The girl is on fire

heh.

Actually... just have a fever la.

=( 

Surgeries and all.... complicated.

*curtsy*

sara

Only someone in fashion would understand....

Two weeks ago, while dropping off Cronuts at a friends place.

Guy friend: "Have you lost weight?"

Sara: Hmmm.. I don't know. Maybe. Haven't had much appetite of late.

Guy friend: "Ya. I think you have. You look.... GAUNT..."

Sara:

Conversation 2:

Fashion friends talking.

One fabulous person going: I think I might be coming down with a stomach flu...

Everyone else: 

Conversation 3:

Friend: Did you lose weight?

Sara: Hmm... maybe. Breakup la..

Friend: I'm so sorry to hear. But YOU LOOK GREAT!!!

Conversation 4: (just today at the Audi Fashion Festival, actually)

Cute Model Guy: You've gotten prettier.

Sara: Thank you.

Girl: Did you lose weight?

Sara: Maybe.. 

Cute Model Guy: You definitely have. You're looking good. And I love the hair.

Girl: How did you lose so much weight?

Sara: Hmm.... Maybe, heartbreak and stress la.

Girl and guy answer simultaneously:

Girl: Breakups and stress. Best combination

Cute Model Guy: Aww.... Stress is not so good.

Conversation with mom:

MOM: You look too skinny now.

MOM: You look just right... not too skinny, not too fat...

MOM: Awww.... you look nice in that outfit... See... this is how you should dress all the time.

Tell me this isn't true for you.

Heh.

*curtsy*

xx

sara

Back on Facebook...... and... NOT happy about it. (proof I'm growing weird)

So after one-and-a-half long weeks of taking myself off Facebook.. I am finally back.

To be honest, I've always been a bit of a Social Media addict. I blame Moblogs back in 2003, for cultivating the habit in me. Truly a pioneering technology - it was a platform that allowed people to communicate with each other like they do on Twitter. Blog like we do on any journal platform. Post updates limited only by the character limits on an SMS like we do on Twitter. Post videos or pictures like on Instagram (via MMS back then). And host gallerys like on Flicker. All mobile too. 

In 2003!

I remember when I was helping host the site - it became my life. Getting about 6000+ smses a day from people I would interact with. It pretty much became a full-time job. It consumed me. (Think of it as getting, 6000+notifications on Twitter, each with a different person interacting with you.) Juggling that, while maintaining my own blog, pretty much became second nature.

I've always been one of the earlier adopters where it came to online stuff. Heck, my ICQ number (and if you don't know what that is, you might be too young to read my stuff) was 5 numbers! 

p.s. ICQ predated MSN messenger. I was also on IRC. But.. before I slap you with trout if you ask again, what that is... let's move swiftly on.

The point of all that "backstory" was because basically, ever since 2003, me and my phones have been inseparable. And I have always been on one social media platform or another. (Except Friendster and myspace. I was a pretty early adopter to Facebook.)

If you had told me before last week, that I would deactivate my account. And for more than a week at that. I probably would have laughed in your face 

So... I think the fact that I did it. And for that long at that... pretty much made all of my friends go 

Didn't take long for most of them to know that something serious must've been going on.

So... one would have thought, that getting back online today... would have made me happier than Tigger. 

Perhaps it is in light of what happened. I am everything but. this time... after this Facebook debacle.... with all the drama.. the hurt.... happy, is pretty much the polar opposite of how I feel about getting connected.

The same girl who usually feels like she can't breathe if there is no wi-fi or internet connection in a place. (Ok, that's an exaggeration, but you get my drift.)

Having at least, 5 or 6 different people affected... because I was a target of some malicious, misguided "revenge" ...

Being... disappointed. Right after a series of other emotionally trying events..

I actually... 

Didn't even feel like going back on.

Honestly, I only reactivated it today... with heavy feeling of dread and trepidation. If it weren't for work. I probably would not have at all.

A part of me... possibly wants to wipe the slate clean. Just... start afresh without all this baggage that Facebook brings. Old photos. Memories. Reminders of people. In fact. I really just wanted to disappear from it all.

I know it sounds drastic. But...

Just being on FB... reminds me of why I got off it. The events leading up to it. All the things I really hate about it. Like getting added and deleted callously, like I don't mean a thing. 

And for some reason, it just gives me a huge heavy sense of sadness that feels exactly like an elephant sitting on my chest.

Who would have thought one of the things I'm pretty good at and that I enjoyed, would one day, become one of the things I hate.

Don't worry...

It's not all doom and gloom on the Sara front.

On the contrary... actually... everything else in life is going pretty swimmingly well. Just.. 

GAH.

hahaha.. never thought I'd see the day where I was irritated by Facebook.

*curtsy*

xx

sara

Stories about Grace: Sunsets

Don't look for answers

Right and wrong answers co-exist in every decision

Wise people make a choice and make it the right answer

Foolish people regret the decision and make it the wrong decision

There is no right answer in life

There is only the process to make it the right answer. 

- Eight Words. (Korean book)

The sun was setting beautifully in the horizon. A fiery dance of reds and oranges, giving his regal profile an even more surreal halo.

"Hey you,  isn't it beautiful?", he asked in that deep authoratative voice as he gestured toward the sunset with a tip of his head, his perfect hair ruffling in the breeze.

She smiled as she walked toward the railing as they took in another masterpiece painted in the sky.

"You and him. . . It's complicated, " he said,  breaking the silence. 

She looked over at him, with questions in her eyes as he leaned his body weight on to the railing, gazing out. He was a truly, beautiful man.

He turned his head to face her,  "It's not over. Even when it's over...," he said as his eyes became suspiciously shiny, and he made an abrupt turn, his back facing the sun's show.

"I'm not. .. He's not. .. We're not. ... He doesn't even want me, " she stuttered.

"Then he's a bigger fool than I give him credit for, " he said,  as he looked at her again,  with a time of mirth, eyes, sparkling with wet.

"... You deserve better than to be treated like this. But the heart wants what the heart wants. And. .. if he's a smart guy like you claim he is,  he'll figure it out. " 

The sky was now aglow with pinks and purples. Like a beautiful silk scarf.

"I'm sorry,  I never. .. "

"I know, " he said cutting her off, as he turned and looped a friendly arm around her neck and brought her in a for an affectionate side hug.

Her eyes were starting to sting.

"Hey. . hey.. ," he said as he pressed his lips against her right temple to soothe her.

"Don't. You really are something special you know, " he said as he smiled at her.

She felt hot tears scald her cheeks as they broke free of her tear ducts, and run wild down her face,  probably streaking her mascara.

"I'm not. ..,"she said,  her voice trembling.

"I've gone around the world. And I still think you're one of the most strange, cool,  funny, random but amazing people I've met. How could he not?" he said, as he playfully flicked her face with his finger, making a tear fly.

"He..," she started. .

"is still here and here," he said as her pressed his finger to her forehead, then just below her clavicle. "He's been there since you met him. "

She looked over at him again, guilt weighing heavily on her heart.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, under her breath.

"Don't be. He will be if he doesn't fight for you," he said.

"How wou.."

"Because I did," he said. Cutting her off again. "But then,  when I came back,  I was one step too late. You were already his."

"Huh? But I..."

"Your heart was."

Her eyes felt like they had turned into leaky faucets as tears just spilled onto her face.

"Everything's going to be ok la, ok?" he said,  as he wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I hope so, "she said, smiling weakly through the tears.

She sighed as they watched the sun slip under the horizon. "Amazing," she said, with a wistful sigh.

"Just like you babe. Don't you forget it.  Just like you." he said, before he turned to walk inside, hands shoved deep in his pockets.

icymi .. saying goodbye

This happened.

Needed a change of fengshui.

Like my hairstylist said... "Why keep something that is not good. Cut it off!"  As he snipped off my hair.

This is ME saying goodbye.

*curtsy*

Truth.


"Thousands of people chasing

But I'd rather have that one persons love

Thousands of people doting

But I'd rather have that one person who understands..."

Mi'lord, Mi'lady... Merci

You know how... when things turn around. And you start seeing the light at the end of what seemed like a very long tunnel?

Credit: Jess_Holt potentiallyacoustic.blogspot.com

Can I just say.... at this point. I am so frigging happy. I don't even know how to describe it.

A couple of my posts have probably seemed rather confusing and convoluted especially if you have no context. But, people close to me will know that I have been dealing with a situation that is rather, out of my control.

The thing about it is, it is out of my control.

And worrying.. and stressing about it. Couldn't, and can't do anything to rectify it. So it seemed to spiral.

So, I started taking measures. Actual measures. To what was IN my control. Added security measures for instance. Or simply, removing myself from certain platforms or situations, so that I would not be susceptible to being bullied, or play into more traps.

And just.. well. Refusing to be scared or letting fear dictate my actions.

Not so much running away. But, someone can't hit you, if you aren't there sitting like a duck, prime for target practice, yes? Sitting there and crying over split milk, isn't going to help me. Even if it wasn't me who broke the bottle!

We clean up as best we can. And we move on.

I think... Realising, that the attack on me, didn't just affect one or two specific people in my life... but a few more including those in the past... eased some stress as well.

Perhaps, relief in the knowledge that the attackers, were not snipers. But merely, big bad bullies firing machine guns in a spray. Terrorists who planted a few mine fields, and just, were waiting to see which would explode in my face.....

That, is a source of comfort in itself.

Made me laugh a little too I guess...

I think, perhaps, seeing how the others, who got hit, as a result of me being the target, and how they handled the situation... Also has given me a lot of insight. Changed my opinions about a few of them too.

They literally, sifted the wheat from the chaff.

For those friends... and some, of whom were only acquaintances - I honestly have new-found respect for.

Now, what seemed like such a big huge issue... well. It hasn't become smaller, but with perspective, it actually looks like so much smaller a problem. I know I can deal with it now.

I know now... that there are people, who will stand by my side. Or even defend me. Regardless of the lies they have been fed or told. And for that.. I am immensely touched, and grateful.

I know there are people who understand... And looked at the situation, and not only did not get angry at me.  Or  get rude or blame me like any of them could have, but instead, lent me comfort... and gave me strength.


It's amazing really.


I am pretty blown away.


So.. to the people in my life, who really... have been amazing through this really tough time...
Didn't abandon me. Run off, or belittle the problem. But instead, helped me tackle it head on, without blame...

To B and your other half.

To MMO, for always listening, understanding and caring

To.. PS and CW.

And most of all...... last but not least.

You know who you are.

In Korean shows with royalty, they always used to have this line to show deep gratitude.. that I never understood, but now, I have an inkling of what that feels like. So...


Thank you.

Your grace overwhelms me.

=)

*curtsy*
xx
sara


P.S. To... luckycharm. Thank you for turning on the luck again. Heehee....

Note To Self: Beware of your reactions. Don't be a victim

Two similar scenarios. Two different people. Worlds apart.

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this. Or if I'm even allowed to. But... I'm certain, neither A nor B, will read this. And this I guess... is my note to self. To remind myself of this lesson... on reactions. And how I can possibly control them.


I know... what I want... and what I need.

I need.... this :

A - It was not that person's fault. But neither was it mine. Unfortunately, three people were the victims here. But only one, lost.

When the situation first broke, I was honest with A. "Hey. I didn't do this. But I got ____. What's going on?" I had asked. Because I had been confused. Puzzled. Wary.

Something similar... had happened before. Not too long ago. So I was now cautious. My guard was up. But I've always believed that honesty, is always the best policy. I had nothing to hide.

"Why did you send the ___," came the first accusation. And it stabbed me right through the heart.

It threw me back immediately, to what had happened before. When I had been similarly framed. And I was not given a measure of trust. But instead.. accused, then abandoned. No explanations were allowed. Nothing. When I desperately, tried to plead my case..... it didn't even fall on deaf ears. As A, had already walked away.

I recalled, where days before... harsh words were dealt to me when I tried to open up and share a story. Instead, I was falsely accused, and slammed by one of the *deadly 3 insults.


*One of the things I have always hated, is being falsely accused. But there are 3 words, when flung at me, always is guaranteed to make me lash out. Three words, that are guaranteed, to set me off as I deem them to be the highest insults possible: Crazy. Drama. Diva. (and variants of the like.)

Use any of those three on me, and to me, it feels like the equivalent of  blast of a hadoken. Everyone has different buttons. And these are mine.


I recalled the dark place I had been in after the situation had happened some time back. How miserable I had been for more than 2 months after. How I never, really recovered. And I flinched reflexively.

Instead of letting the blows pelt on me, and slide off. I held my arms up, to shield myself. And with my eyes shut tight, my fists, flailed blindly, trying to fend off the impending pain... by wildly hitting at what might cause it first.

In hindsight, my reaction, could have been less aggressive and volatile. At the time... too many thoughts were swirling, there was too much confusion.

But hindsight... is 20/20.

And... what is done. Cannot be undone. And... shit does happen.

Especially with me.

Like my pal MMO said, "These things, are part and parcel of your life. People have got to learn to accept it, and deal with it, if they are a part of it."

Lesson learned: Control my own reactions. Since you can't control the way others react.


B - He was also an innocent victim. As was his other half. I have not been in touch in two, maybe three years.

I didn't even know what had happened at the time... because it had been a non-issue to him when it happened. He just, knew it wasn't me, ignored it.

He only dropped me a short note to inform of what happened, because he had seen a post on one of my social media platforms two days ago.

"Hey.. Hope you're ok. Saw you have something going on. X and i, had gotten an email from you. Some time in Apr."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I knew it wasn't you. ... ..."

A pillar. I've long since forgotten what it can be like.. to lean on someone for strength.

Maybe because B himself had experienced situations like that, and weirder, with me before. Even at a club once, while we were dating more than 12 years ago. A random dude, went up to him, telling him that he had slept with me.

I remember him telling me this, only a few days later. He didn't even kick up a fuss that night while we were out. He asked.. "eh.. Do you know this guy named... xxx?"

"Hmm. Ya. Donna's friend I think. Apparently according to Donna, she introduced him to me outside Zouk once before. We shook hands lor. Why you asking? You know him too?"

"No. Actually, when we were in Mambo that night, you were dancing. And I was just watching you. And this guy was there. Came up to me, said.. Eh. She's hot right. That's Sara Ann K. She was in Miss Universe. And I slept with her man. She is hot! " *abridged version

"HUH?!!! But I don't even know him. So what did you say."

"I said... Ha. Dude. Impossible. Dream on. She's with me."

And that. Was that.

I remember feeling... safe, even as he told me that story.

That I knew he would have fought for me, if the situation required it, "for my honour", he was always the gentleman. Not just in front of other people "just for show". His gentlemanliness, was not an affectation, nor to impress. He was the same behind the scenes, when no one was watching.

That day, he knew he could have brought on a full on brawl (and won), but he knew I hated fights. I knew he walked away the bigger man.

I knew.. i felt secure, that he loved me. That he knew me. That he trusted me.



-------------------------------


To be honest... it could have been blown out of proportion, and turned out a lot worse for the person in situation B. Another 2 victims could have been added to the "body count", with much more devastating circumstances - but B didn't let that happen.

He didn't let any of us become victims.

It could have made me look a lot worse. Like I was literally, a harlot with a scarlet letter.

B, has much more reason to doubt me, given our history.

But he knew. He just.... knew.

I have forgotten, how beautiful it is.... to trust. And be trusted.

B's wife, is a lucky woman, who knows she can trust him and his word too.


I've realised... I want. No. I need that.

I had trusted A implicitly. 100%. All the way till my doubts were shaken, that one time.... And trust was broken.

Even back then, I had chosen to stay. Despite the hurt, I did not run away.

I thought, it was worth it.



Perhaps.... All I need, is someone who thinks I am worth it too.

*curtsy*
xx
sara

For some reason... this singer always reminds me of someone I know.

Maybe it's the crazy hair.

The funny beard.










*curtsy*

xx
sara

OFF THE GRID MEMO

Ok.

AS soon as I published this post moments ago.

It got deleted. By "friends".

Either way.. if you haven't already gotten the memo.

I'm taking a hiatus from FB. Didn't delete or block anyone.

I just really need a break.

So.. if anything, please do contact me old school style.

Pick up a phone and call me.

Preferably.

=)

*curtsy*

xx

sara

Please...

Just leave me alone.

What have I done to you?

You are after the wrong person.

Ask the friend you are "avenging".

This might be a game to you.

But this is my life.

Ruined..

To delete, or not to delete.. that is the question (*post updated)

An amazing image that I love, of the wall between Palestine and Isreal.
Powerful message delivered in a simple way.

My mom, is an absolute inspiration to me. Even just two years ago, she was gungho, doing a mission trip in the middle east, that brought her to Lebanon, Jordan... Palestine. All in the most war torn places. driving a car that had been wrecked by a bomb, through civil unrest, with molotov cocktails being thrown at her.

Like... BADASS.

Haha.. I remember her even telling me about dragging a mattress to put near the front door. I can't even recall if it was just because she was trying to wash and dry it, or that it was for a real purpose. Like, preventing stray bullets from flying in the place they were staying.

Maybe, it's all in her training. She was first in the army, and a sharpshooter at that. I mean. That woman, in her mid-60's, is going to countries to help refugees move. She always... faces her fears. She's not perfect, but there is so much that I have learnt from her. How to be unselfish. Put the needs of others before yourself. To always give of yourself. I can only hope that at her age, I will still be as mentally strong. With as much of a lust for life as her.

Windsurfing at 64. Dodging bullets. And still nagging me through life.

I've still got a lot to learn from her. But she and I.. have one thing in common,

She.. gives. So much of herself.

I mean, that woman is a born giver. But sometimes, it means she gives in too much. Gets bullied a little. Taken for granted a lot. (Yes. Sometimes, even by me.)

So she's been reminding me again, of late, from real life lessons she's learnt, to not be so nice to people who don't deserve it. For instance, a particular female who literally gave me 4 years of torture.

"Forgive. Yes. But let God deal with her. But you don't have to be nice, or go out of your way to be nice," she advised.

And I've talked about how God has dealt with people in my life who have hurt me before. How strangely.. any guy who hurt me - landed up in a shotgun marriage. How well, even aforementioned not so nice person... was dealt with too.

I do realise.. it is a problem I have though. Being nice. Sigh. I miss the days of being the bitch. But... I am happier with who I am now.

A lot of my close guy friends tell me, that when I love a guy. My super nice side comes out. Because before then, I don't allow many people in....  the guy starts taking me for granted. Or for a ride.

A close guy pal. MFAM, ... was surprised... when I used the word "Love" some time earlier this year. I guess.... i think I use the word a lot more freely among my girl friends. But with my guy friends, because they are a lot more cautious in using the word... I tend to be around them too. So he was pretty floored when I used the "L" word. First time in all the years he's known me.

He shared about his breakup. And I shared about mine. We were both talking about how we usually remained friends with our exes. And I opened up about how it devastated me this time... that... we weren't friends any more.

I've only cut off all contact with 2 people I've previously dated.

TLOML when he got married. We both had already moved on and we finally weren't in love with each other anymore. But i still cared for, and love him enough to know, my presence, would put a strain on his marriage. So... yup. No contact there, out of respect to his wife.

The other... well. That was just WAAAAY ridiculous. He believed in a lie, from a friend.

Both him, and said friend, have been excommunicated. Well, female friend... because of her dishonesty. (And, well, found out she has a track record a mile long. More than 50 personal friends, from different groups, have all written her off.) And the guy. Well... he was stupid enough to not trust me, and believe the lie and the liar. I didn't even bother explaining to him the truth. He wasn't worth it. But... I was devastated at the time any way.

The thing is... when is it good/right to delete someone?

Just last week I had a convo with a pal, Chez who was returning to Canada for good who said she deleted people all the time because she liked keeping FB below 100 people.

The thing is.. That shit hurts.

I don't know about you. But it hurts.

And... I know it's just social media. But I guess, for someone who is plugged in... I wonder why even strangers delete me. So... I usually don't delete people.

On social media... I've actually only deleted and blocked 2. Now... 3 people.

The first.. turned out to be someone who previously had stalked a friend and been charged for it. So that was pretty much, a no brainer.

The second. Was a girl I was close to at one point. Honestly... I should have trusted my gut instinct when I met her. She gave me the same feeling as the previous excommunicated lying female friend. But, because she was introduced by a mutual friend whom I trust from back in college, who asked me to take her under my wing, I obliged.

That girl. Was DRAMA. And also.. a liar. Borrowed tons of money which never got returned, by saying her dad had died. (SERIOUSLY, what kind of person lies about her parents dying to borrow money. That's just... way cray.)

So honestly. Good riddance.




To be honest.. i hate drama. So when it happens... I shy away from it.
I find people who add and delete.. dramatic. Childish. It makes the other person feel like they're not worth your friendship.



But what happens... when you need to?

Have you ever deleted someone.. because you are just.. so scared they will hurt you again?

That you're just trying to protect yourself?

And then as soon as you let them in again... BOOOM.

They prove, yet again. That... maybe... u shouldn't have let those walls down.

And every time you even start considering.... hey... maybe I made a mistake... maybe.. I was being too hasty.

Something else happens.

I don't know.

When I started writing this post.... It was initially... almost an apology, for deleting and blocking someone precious to me. Because I know that my reaction was fuelled by strong emotions. And I usually... am not like that.

But even as I update this post. Something else happened...

My mind. Is a blank again.

I just....


Sigh.


There is a Chinese saying. That the truth, always comes out. In literal translation... The water drops. And the stone appears.

I like being transparent. And honest.

Maybe because... I've been lied to too many times. And i hate it.


Lots has happened.

You know what.

You're right.

I didn't do this. Yet again.

But lots has happened...

I am trying to be calm.

But i can't even...

OK. Not sure what is going on. But.. I think my facebook account just got hacked. Or something. Again.

Tomato truth

Some times, life does bring our destiny our way...

But we need to go through some sacrifices to... ketch up. ;-)

Weird week for pickup lines.

Ok.. So last week, or was it week before.. that I got picked up at the cab stand by a really cute... soon-to-be-divorced man.

But this week.... had a couple of dingers.

BEST PICK-UP LINE SARA HAD THIS WEEK

Context: At a very swish Hermes party, called Men On The Move, which was a super cool installation that took over the whole of the old Kallang Airport. Complete with the most divine food. Very beautiful people. Honestly. Events, hardly get that good. (Kudos to the team behind it btw. Amazing.)

Ok. Now why I am giving this context as well is, these dos are usually rather "insider". Hardly any "picking up" is done because everyone there is who's who. And everyone knows everyone else. In fact, the thing to watch out for most of the time, are the bitchfights. The subtle snubs. And how people who hate each other, handle taking photos together like the best of friends.

So... enter, Venture Capitalist. Smartly dressed. Booming Aussie voice. 30's. Very.. energetic. Like a dude on red bull.

"HI, WE'RE GOING TO BE FRIENDS. WHAT'S YOUR EMAIL?" *proffers phone.

I have to say. I was actually mildly amused, I did give it to him.


THE ONES THAT DID NOT WORK

STILL AT THE HERMES PARTY

"Did I just steal your milk tea?" - mildmannered, well-dressed, but rather handsome guy. Who, wasn't aggressive enough, he got cut off by aforementioned Aussie. Waited around for a while. But... left dejectedly after a while when Aussie guy just dominated.

*sara... looking mildly disappointed that the milk tea got spirited away

"Are you are fan of GOT. You look, very well presented. But you look like you have a kinky side." - description of aforementioned gent shall not be provided in case of incriminating .. err... traits.

*sara... O_O

"Take a photo of me, and you can go downstairs.. and you see that bike on display.. it's mine. Tell them my name, show them the photo, and I bet you they'll let you take it." - mop haired gent.

*sara . . . . . . . and your point is?? .... hmm... okthxbai

OUT OF THE PARTY - and everywhere else

After dinner. Meeting for the first time. After I supposedly met him 5 years ago or something. And speaking with him casually on Facebook for a while.

"Next time we meet, we should be on a holiday together."

*sara. ..... huh?! This was a date?! Ok. I really have been a little out of this dating thing maybe. Geez. How rusty am I at this.


On Facebook.

"Want to come over and cuddle? Seriously. Just cuddle."

*sara ... err... No.

AND...

Well. Just so you know as well, that strange things like that DO HAPPEN TO ME.
ALL THE FRIGGING TIME...

Exhibit 1.

Wed. Apr 30.

Ok. I am also. Not quite sure what this one was about. Really.
Well.
I do.

He just totalled PUA - negged me.
And then brought me up again.

Tsk. Seriously guys. THE GAME?

YOU WANT TO USE THE GAME TACTICS ON ME? The one person in SG who did a full documentary feature serious called Expose' on playa tactics?

err...

Ok.

Moving swiftly on.


Earlier today. Sat. May 3rd. After already, politely ignoring a previous direct message that said "You look familiar.. Where have I seen you before. I want to get to know you more..."

OBVIOUSLY.

Because telling a chick you want to get to know... that she does not exist. And then... tagging her in that photo. ALWAYS WORKS.

Ok. That said. The YOU DO NOT EXIST thing, might have worked on me, if I was Jane/Jain. But I'm not.

OH..

And the follow up...

In direct message.

Seriously.

I don't even get the photo. What's with the barbells... on that cutesy mat. With food on it. FOOD.

AND THE NEXT ONE.

This was DM on twitter. I have a rule. Don't lead people on. But. Be polite. Be nice. Be real. Be you.

Never know when you could make a new friend right?

But... can I just repeat again....

One of the things a journalist HATES the most.. (esp as a line) Variants of... "Why don't you write an article on me."

This guy.. has been trying for... close to a mth. These are the DM's. And btw... what I do. IS ON MY PROFILE. ON TWITTER. WHY ASK ME WHAT I DO?

Only the person's name has been edited out to protect his identity.

NOTE: READ EACH PART, FROM DOWN TO UP FOR CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER.

AND BTW.. the conversation STILL continued... after a tweet I sent out. Saying how much I hated the "write something on me" as a pickup line. But.. ok. Dude is not a bad guy. So.

Part 1. 22 days ago

NOTE: READ EACH PART, FROM DOWN TO UP FOR CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER.

Part 2: At least the first time. He does not ask. Though, dinner is already offered.

NOTE: READ EACH PART, FROM DOWN TO UP FOR CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER.

Part 3: AND THERE IT IS.

NOTE: READ EACH PART, FROM DOWN TO UP FOR CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER.

Part 4. And yet again. He brings up what he does.

Ok.

This is in no way to humiliate or harm or hurt any of the above people featured.

Just.

Gah.

Guys. SERIOUSLY?



Sigh.

I do miss good ole' witty banter and natural chemistry.

But like my good pal MMO said.. "Eh, you know, this is the year that we are both supposed to find our significant other, if we have not already found the person yet."

Uh huh. I do know this babe.

Which is why I am keeping my doors, and my mind, wiiiiide open.



Fate. You have all my attention..

Cos you never know, when you might just have a date with destiny.

So... always have to kiss a few toads to get to the right frog, yes?

*rubbing luckycharm's belly for luck*

=)

*curtsy*

xx
sara

TANZANITE (and going bling shopping)

Ok..

I've been meaning to post this for a long time..

Say it with me...

TANZANITE.

Why?

Because it's blue and purple. It's shiny. It's pretty. And most importantly.. it's one of my favourite gems because it's actually one of the hardest gems to find naturally and can only be found in one place in the whole wide world. The Meralani Hills near Arusha to the north of Tanzania. (An East-African state.)

Before I proceed, and people start thinking... is she hinting.. blah blah blah...

Is the wild horse finally getting the urge to settle down because the clock is ticking... etc etc.

HOLD YOUR HORSES.

I have just this to say.




Ok. So why I'm talking about this?

My nephew has probably just about succeeded proposing to his gf, with an awesome sapphire. (Awesome choice! And I am sooo proud of you. SEND ME PICS!!!! IAMSOEXCITED!!! And she better have said yes or my studded handbag with knuckleduster handles and I have something to say to her.)

We were having a conversation about this two weeks ago, when he first told me he was going to propose. Because while he and potential wife-to-be did have discussions before about the ring she wanted, he was still nervous about choosing a gemstone.

I told him I totally approved of his choice. I always applaud the choice of something other than a diamond.

(Just like, while I do love roses, like I do all flowers... my favourites are always slightly different. No lilies. Not sunflowers. Not tulips. Love them too.. but.. not my faves. But that's another post. For another day.)

Either way... I chanced upon this gem, Tanzanite, maybe about 5 or 6 years ago, when I was going for auctions, trying to look for a pair of earrings for my mom's birthday.

First State auction in Singapore to be precise. And I'm convinced... best buys EVER!

It also, has where I've started bringing a couple of my guy friends for proposal ring shopping. =P Honestly... a pal of mine paid 4k total plus tax, on a 1.2carat round solitaire diamond, with E vvs1. Retail price on that baby in stores, would have been anything from 10 to 15k. RIDICULOUS.

I mean. A diamond, is a diamond, is a diamond. If your girl is gonna flip just cos you bought it at a bargain, perhaps... she might not be.... quite the gem afterall.

Plus, diamonds are not rare at all, if you don't already know, the rise of diamonds as engagement rings were all part of a clever marketing campaign by DeBeers, who started the slogan "Diamonds are forever". A company that stockpiles the diamonds to drive prices up. I mean. COME ON.

(p.s. Another pet peeve of mine... is how people inflate prices by 300% once you slap a WEDDING tag on it. -_-".  Bouquet $80. Oh it's for a wedding? $350! Like... whuttttt?!!! Did the flowers suddenly become gold-plated versions of themselves?!)

I'm sorry. I might sound cheap. But... I just don't like getting ripped off.

And I do love a good deal. Come on. I'm part-Indian, part-Chinese.
Heh.

Either way these days.. when girls show off their bling... I kinda roll my eyes. Not in jealousy mind you. Haha.. nothing like that. I just think... pfft. Another one to buy into that marketing crap.

Add that to the fact that seriously, there is the whole issue of blood diamonds...

But.. give me an experience over "a pretty thing" any day. I'd rather wear a hunking unpolished rock of a diamond as a knuckleduster. With people thinking it is worthless, rather than a pretty thing that looks similar to what everyone else has.

Then again. It might just be me. Afterall, I am a girl with mylittleponyrainbowunicorn colored hair.. who is planning on going platinum. So... blending in, and keeping up with the Joneses ain't exactly my thing.


BUT.... If you are a guy, and are going ring shopping, are clueless and need a consult.. yes.

You can ask me.

Whether you want to find out more about auctions in Singapore, where to go, when they are held. Diamond wholesalers here (yes, I know a few too), what price you should be looking at (people used to say - the polite thing is 1.5 times your salary, though these days, they say 3 times... I say. HOGWASH!!!!!Be generous, but not stupid and bankrupt yourself before you even get married you idiots.) Or even if you want to consider gemstones, and want to figure out what kind of gemstone would suit your other half... Feel free to ask.

P.S. If your girl DEMANDS a certain kind of ring, that is waaaay out of your budget. And you think she's worth it. I WILL try to dissuade you from marrying this person. I WILL tell you this girl is childish and not worth your while. And a girl who thinks that a ring and a wedding, is more important than the life that is to come... is not worth it at all.

I would also like to say, I am actually a big fan of mangagement rings these days. Ok. So maybe it has a little to do with my issues with commitment.. But... I feel like.. well. If I am being shown off to the world as "She's Taken!" - why should the guy still get months more looking like he's still footloose and fancyfree?

#notbuyingthat

Either way ... if you want some really cool options for gems.. Here is a list of the 10 rarest gems in the world.  A little too rich for my taste. But.. hey, if you have the cash, it's also cool.

There is this thing called... a Memorial diamond too... Made up of the *cough* Ash. Of your loved one/ones.

I'm not sure how your other half will feel about wearing grandma or grandpa. But hey... if she had a pet dog she really loved that passed away.... Who knows. O_O

But, in Singapore they can be found in Algodanza , internationally there is Lifegems .


I do love helping people pick out the perfect ring for the one they love. So far... 9 guy pals, with 9 very thankful wives. *wink*

So... yes. Ring Shopping Pal services offered.

And oh...  the diamond I've gotten that I treasure most so far in my life?

A chip of a thing, that my closest gal pals got me for my 21st birthday.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend? Nah. I could have easily lost the ring. But those friends, and the fact that I haven't lost them 14 years later....  those are the real diamonds that last forever. 

*curtsy*

xx

sara